To everybody who tagged: erm.. thank you for your support? Shit. I sound like I'm making a speech here. But u get the gist. Anyway, it was just a remark though it'll be carried out in the near future because I'm not someone who believes in this whole blogging business when you hit 19/20. It's just a personal opinion so don't take it to heart if you are already 19/20 and still blogging ok?
So anyway, screw cny cos it sucks every single year. I'm not that gian lui so the red packets don't really tempt me. No new clothes, no new shoes. Lets see. My dearest bf is gonna be out of the country so it's double boo. I can jolly well camp in the office and declare that I didn't have lunch break cos no way am I gonna eat alone(it's the last thing on earth I'd ever do. I can shop alone, go home alone, do everything alone but don't ever make me dine alone outside. Rather die pls).
Then there's the issue of my food rationing and daily caffeine intake. Doesn't help with the dieting process when my stamina has totally fallen lower than hell. (read: a futile attempt to complete at least 1.6km non stop) I think I should never try to exercise alone. I'm sure to faint one day by the roadside and no one will send me home.
I wonder how is everyone doing right now. Makes me miss school quite a bit cos back then, I get to see everyone everyday. Yup. Even if it means seeing some eye-sores. Now, it's the same kiam pah i-want-to-shove-a-wok-up-your-smelly-ass faces I dread seeing. B.O.R.I.N.G. It'd be nice if my darlings AFs could drop by one day and say hi. *hint hint*

*A disappointed look from him was enough to trigger the tear gland

I am not - your average sweet, demure and well-mannered girl
I hurt - my ass
I love - to be alone and that fat niece of mine
I hate - people who talk incessantly and have no sense of responsibility, amphibians, reptiles, birds and anything that looks abnormal
I fear - the day i have to collect my results
I hope - to scrape through and get into a decent uni
I crave - for a personality alteration
I regret - nothing
I care - about my gfs
I always - like to read
I have long - hair
I feel alone - and am quite happy about it
I listen - to tricia and her bitching
I hide - my collection of sweets in the office
I drive - people mad
I sing - classic songs
I dance - badly
I write - nonsense
I breathe - heavily when i feel lethargic
I play - the piano
I miss - piano lessons and school
I search - for so called happiness (pls don't laugh as much as it sounds cliche)
I learn - to mess with my own thoughts
I feel - extremely bored
I know - i bitch damn alot and am not well liked
I say - things that i sometimes don't understand
I fail - to exercise regularly
I dream - about things that never make any sense
I wonder - about my future
I want - everything to settle down
I worry - about almost everything
I wish - i could say "fuck you, bitch!" to mary
I fight - for my tv rights
I need - sleep
I am - actually not who you think i am
I have - a serious case of attitude problem and a tongue that only seems to speak of nothing but vulgarities. I'm trying to change

Was just thinking, when you love someone, you're be able to overlook all of his/her faults. Then when things turn nasty, the things you used to find "cute", or "sweet" becomes "irritating" and "annoying".
When you're deeply in love, you're so full of praise. When there's no chemistry left, words like "jerk", "bitch", "idiot" start to appear. What am I exactly driving at?
I realised that I do not love myself. Simply because I am never afraid to criticize myself and admit my flaws. That's a controversial issue isn't it? And perhaps, what I've just said didn't make any sense again.

Blogging has lost its appeal. And its the same for almost everything else. I don't even know why I'm still laughing and going on a random high. Cos seriously, nothing is worthy enough to be laughed at anymore. And no, I'm not being arrogant here.
I think it's about time that I should close down my blog. Not sure when, but soon enough.

Imagine this. 40 plus aunty with newly rebonded hair. Eww, yes?
To top it off, she asked someone to guess her age. The reply was a sarcastic "seventeen". And you know what?
She was beaming.
Amen

And it was never meant for me to understand..

Just like staring at the sun rays directly, it blinds me for that few seconds while you quietly take your leave.

1. describe your present state of mind.
at ease

2. where do u usually hang-out?
in town. i'm hoping for a change though.

3. ever stepped on shit on the road?
i stepped on a koala's shit in australia. technically speaking, it isn't a road but yeah.

4. last movie u saw & with whom?
meet the fockers.(i know i'm history!) with clifford

5. most expensive thing u bought with your own
money?
my rip curl shorts back in sec 2. hahahaha

6. Good looks or brains?
brains. himbos who only care about looking good are annoying. intellectual people are intriguing.

7. they say "you are who you hang out with"
describe your friends:
bitchy, 4 are funny and the rest are morbid, real crazy. iLu animals

8. have you ever fallen in-love with a friend?
doesn't everything start from denying that "there's nothing going on. he's just a friend!!! i swear." ??

9. what would u do if u caught your guy/girl &
bestfriend sleeping together?
dump that bastard and get someone to ass fuck him. as for the "bestfriend", she's history. In short, i'll make life a living hell for them. Heh..

10. if you could be someone else for one day who
would it be & why?
Nicole Kidman. She's gorgeous.

12. ever punched someone?
yup

13. what did that person say to you?
nothing. i just do it for cheap thrill

14. which do u prefer? jollibee or mcd
huh? no idea what's that but i'll pick jollibee cos it sounds more spastic. hahaha

15. wendy's or kfc?
i hate the name wendy. so, kfc

16. who would u choose, the one u love or the one
who loves u?
neither. it takes two to tango

17. ever broken someone's heart?
not that i know of

18. ever had your heart broken?
hell yeah

19. what did u do to the person who broke your
heart?
killed him and chopped his intestines into a million pieces. gorged out his eyeballs and fried it.

20. what's inside your bag?
wallet, tissue paper, hp, lip balm, eye drops and the office keycard

21. fave past time?
stoning till the cows come home

22. biggest regret in life?
nothing

23. worst experience you've been through?
whatever that is bad isn't worth mentioning

24. best place you'd rather be?
away from singaporeans

25. would u kiss on a 1st date?
would be extremely tempted to, but no, i wouldn't

26. last time u cried?
i can't remember

27. most embarassing thing u did for love?
nothing is embarrassing when you love the guy

28. u in love right now?
no

29. is someone in-love with u?
tricia claims she is

30. describe your present love life in a song
this is getting fuckin annoying. fuck off.

Yeah yeah.. I'm that bored. This kinda shit kills time anyway.

Feel like a nomad. Shifted my desk 3 times since work started. Am becoming closer to that crazy bitch who dumps shitloads of work on my table when I go for lunch. The crazy cheeko mats are behind me now(the horror!) and there's no reception whatsoever so that means no radio anymore. x( The flip side being bf is closer to me now. Physically of course since she's always been close to my heart. Awwww..
My left eye is fuckin red now. I hope its not an infection cos I would really go hysterical. Do not attempt to be a vain pot and grow yr fingernails. When trying to take out contacts, you'll end up scratching your eyeballs till it turns red. Fuck. Pls tell me I burst some blood vessel and not because it's an infection. Pls pls pls!
Anyway, fat's bbq was somewhat unusual. All I can say is that em's definitely on her way to becoming a successful chef! Stingrays+corn+sausages+coke+potatoes+marshmallows+sotong+scandalousnews+bf+biatch+em+nicolette = BIG SMILE.
The sight of druggie, shortaye ah beng, anorexicwhineybitch and dunking beer cans in rose syrup was just repulsive.
My loser buddy is officially 19 as of today but he still behaves like his hood which I presume is small. Hahahaha. Happy birthday!
Enough said. Looking forward to a better day ahead!

SECTION 1
*Call me: E'an
*Age: 18
*Height: 1.62m
*Hair Color: brown
*Eye Color: hazel brown
*Where i'm at: in the study room

SECTION 2//HAVE YOU EVER??
*Fallen off da bed?: don't think so
*Failed a subject?: plenty of times
*Had a dream come true?: Nah
*Dreamt i would make it rich: what a joke..

SECTION 3// CURRENTLY
*Wearing: T-shirt and shorts
*Eating: nothing
*Feeling: thirsty
*Reading: this
*Located: in the study room!!
*Chatting with: *siao and tsui
*Listening to: the humming of the computer
*Should really hope for: more cash to roll into the bank account

SECTION 4//DO YOU...
*Brush ur teeth?: don't you?
*Have any piercings?: nope
*Believe in GOD?: i guess
*Ever get off the computer: like duh?!

SECTION 5// FRIENDS
*Do u hang out with the opposite sex?: Yup
*Do u consider yourself popular?: maybe for the wrong reasons.
*Do u trust your friends: only some
*Are you a good friend?: my friends should answer this. not me
*Can you keep a secret?: maybe.......

SECTION 6// LAST PERSON YOU...
*Talked to on the phone: i hardly make phone calls now
*Yelled at: sam toh, to hurry up with the potatoes. hahaha
*Tripped: myself
*Turned down: can't remember

SECTION 7// PERSONAL
*What was the worst day of ur life?: everyday seems like a bad day. but i guess its when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and everything just goes downhill from then on
*What has been the best day of ur life?: i'm still alive so come ask me when I'm dead.
*What do u usually think of before u go to bed?: nowadays? probably reminiscing about the past and then feel all nostalgic

SECTION 8// FAVOURITE
*Food : would you believe me when i say, caesar salad?
*Movie: bring on all good bimbotic no brainer shows. Confessions of a teenage drama queen doesn't count.
*Song: my "favourite" changes like ever so often
*Sports : i like rugby and gymnastics. just too bad i didn't stay on in gym.
*Ice cream flavor: cookies and cream, choc choc chip, strawberry and double twisted from B&J
*Magazine: don't have a preference.
*Day of the week: days when i get to wake up late and nua and not get scolded for being lazy.
*Color: red

SECTION 9// DO YOU
*Like to walk in the rain: only when i'm in sch uniform, somehow..
*Prefer black or blue pens? : blue wins hands down

SECTION 10// ARE YOU
*Into any relationship: nope
*Outgoing/Anti Social: outgoing i suppose. unless i'm hanging out with ppl of another wavelength. which is never voluntary
*Big Eater: seldom

I really have no idea how someone, who's not even my superior, can pass EVERYTHING to my partner and I to do.. obviously leaving plently of free time to gossip with that jian huo opposite me, or go on frequent toilet trips, or bring hot water to make herself a stupid fuckin drink. She has nothing to do anyway. I hope you burn your tongue you bitch!
Fyi, I'm not her hired temporary secretary and neither is she my supervisor. Up till now, I have no idea whats our relationship because I only go to her for help and to enquire something. Calling her my advisor would be ohsofuckinwrong cos she provides EVERYONE with a different info everytime we ask. And when the real supervisor questions us on the mistakes made, she denies teaching us the wrong thing and instead, blames us for anyhow handing in some mediocre work.
Now, she's making me do FILING which means staying in the fuckin cram vault the entire time. Did I mention that I'm slightly anaemic and extremely claustrophobic? Ok, that's a lie but I'd do anything to glue my ass on the chair again. One day, I'm gonna bring a camera and take a picture of that jian huo. I swear she's anti-youngsters.
Oh.. and I just have to add this on, coming from a cheenafied primary school has in no way, caused my spoken english to become substandard. Coming from an IJ, has in no way caused my spoken mandarin to become blah. Even hellhole hasn't caused damage to my articulation, pronunciation whatsoever in both english and mandarin. But, the thing is, working for only less than 2 weeks was enough to make me pronounce "bitch" as "beach", "close the light ok" and I'm speaking mandarin to every single one of my colleagues! Not that I've anything against speaking my mother tongue but it's ah lians we're talking about. Not the extreme pseudo blondies with hot pink Von Dutch(fakes)tshirts with horrifying silver ballet pumps. Just the more tamed ah lians who speaks with "lors", "hor" etc. HOW LONG HAVE I NOT BEEN SPEAKING LIKE THAT? EVER SINCE I ENTERED CJ BECAUSE MY DARLING GFS CANNOT STAND IT. The climax is this, our dear tricia has also started speaking like this.
Bf: "Eh.. yao qu ci(4) [its chi(1)] dong xi le ma?".. or
Bf: "Ya.. I know.. Your lian is like siong(2) [its xiong(2)] mao so round" fyi:xiong mao=panda
Tsk tsk..
Randomness here again. I feel uneasy when I'm buying lingeries and at the cashier, you see this eager looking young adult ready to serve you. Male. Grabs your bras(not the one you're wearing for fuck's sakes and I doubt anyone in the right mind would wear bras)and yet handles them with such care. It's almost like they've been doing this since forever. He's only a temp. Freaky eh? I couldn't bear to look at him. Tricia was slightly amused.

To sum up yesterday with just one word, it was shit. x)

On a totally different note altogether:
At the end of the day, I can only blame myself for feeling insecure and being overly bitchy. Cause and effect.

*Everything begins in the spirit, takes shape in the mind and then ultimately manifests in the physical..

When I finally have a cubicle to myself with a computer and need not settle for that corner that I chose, I thought, hey.. this is gonna be soooo fuckin cool. It's right at the back of the office and the computer's facing no one. Which means I get to surf the internet as and when I like. But guess what?
The cubicle sucks. It blocks my view of downstairs so I can no longer look down at the Atrium and stare at the restaurant with green couches and a pool table when I'm bored with work. When I look sideways, I see a block of wood.
The computer doesn't belong to a perm staff so ALL websites are blocked. Bummer. To think that my partner and I got so ecstatic about downloading winamp and then transfering the music into the comp. Pfft. We eventually settled on plugging the mp3 player and just click one song after another. She likes what I like. Yay
The rolling chair sucks. It makes me wanna hurl gastric juices. It inclines forward for some unknown reason. I took the black plastic chair instead. It feels like the chairs in school but slightly worse. At least I feel horizontal.
Some big shot staff sits like 50cm opposite me which means I can't talk shit and laugh like crazy when bf decides to pay a visit. She looks intimidating. Which also means I can't stuff the ear piece and listen to music anymore. I think it's illegal.
Hai.. I miss my old seat. Good thing about the present cubicle is that a photocopying machine is just 10 steps and not 50m away, and there's a bar code scanner so no more typing gazillion numbers!! x)
Aiya.. sometimes, I think walking a longer distance is good cos it gets me moving. At the rate I'm craving for the roadstall ice-cream just downstairs, eating squid fritters and curry puffs, you know what I mean. I'm afraid to weigh myself now.
Being random here, but so you know, citrus stings.

There's a certain extent to which we can tolerate this whole i-only-meet-cos-i'm-alone. C'mon.. don't give us this kinda bull shit ok? Excuses are bloody pathetic and the thing is, why whine and complain when you don't even try to accept and hear us out? Like what's the point of grumbling only to shut your sense of hearing when people are offering their two cents worth? It's becoming worthless and the truth being, if the rest aren't sick of it, I definitely am.
Day in day out, I hear the same old thing. Please at least try to gather your thoughts before spewing incoherent sentences that contradict each other.
Then there's another whom I suspect, doesn't exist anymore. Having gatherings without you seem almost normal.
Period. Yes, I'm motherfuckin pissed to the core.

*Dropping us like filth, only to come running back cos you're scared of being alone.

Bf, melissa and I discovered the coolest thing ever. From now on, we're gonna take frequent trips to the 4th floor cos the Nickelodeon and mtv head office is there. What's even cooler is that there's this HUGE tv that plays mtv. No more boredom!! Things are just getting better and better.
Aside from that problem. Whatever it is.

To tricia, crystle, steffie and clara(in no particular order):

Na na na na..

What is love, cos baby I don't know
I got a funny feeling in my heart
If this is love - it feels like butterflies
So tell me baby is this how it starts

I know I've never felt like this before
You're like a drug you got me wanting more
I've got to let you know - I've got to let you know

You're - you're my number one
I'd do anything for you
Catch the rain from the sky, even hold back the tide for you
Baby baby, you're - you're my number one
With you I know I belong
I put the radio on and it's always playing our song

Na na na na..

Tell me what - what have I gotta do
Cos I wanna lay a claim on you
To make you mine - for now and for all time
So tell me baby what I gotta do

I know I've never felt like this before
You're like a drug you got me wanting more
I've got to let you know - I've got to let you know

You're - you're my number one
I'd do anything for you
Catch the rain from the sky, even hold back the tide for you
Baby baby, you're - you're my number one
With you I know I belong
I put the radio on and it's always playing our song

And there ain't nothing I won't do
I'd walk on water just to be with you

Baby baby, you're - you're my number one
I'd do anything for you
Catch the rain from the sky, even hold back the tide for you
Baby baby, you're - you're my number one
With you I know I belong
I put the radio on and it's always playing our song

To be honest, I'm feeling neither here nor there. If you know what I mean, which I seriously doubt so.
I think I ought to get addicted to the frequent headaches that I now get, just like how smokers are addicted to nicotine.

note to self: it'll do you good.

I'm wondering if this is a two way thing.

Each day I live,
I want to be,
A day to give,
The best of me.

I'm only one,
But not alone,
My finest day,
Is yet unknown.

I broke my heart,
Fought every gain,
To taste the sweet,
I face the pain.

I rise and fall,
Yet through it all,
This much remains.

I want one moment in time,
When I'm more than I thought I could be.
Then all of my dreams are a heartbeat away,
And the answers are all up to me.

Give me one moment in time,
When I'm racing with destiny,
Then in that one moment of time,
I will feel,
I will feel eternity.

I've lived to be,
The very best.
I want it all,
No time for less.

I've laid the plans,
Now lay the chance,
Here in my hands.

Give me one moment in time,
When I'm more than I thought I could be.
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away,
And the answers are all up to me.

Give me one moment in time,
When I'm racing with destiny.
Then in that one moment of time,
I will feel,
I will feel eternity.

You're a winner for a lifetime,
If you seize that one moment in time,
Make it shine.

Give me one moment in time,
When I'm more than I thought I could be,
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away,
And the answers are all up to me.

Give me one moment in time,
When I'm racing with destiny.
Then in that one moment of time,
I will be,
I will be,

I will be free.
I will be free

Whitney Houston-One Moment In Time

Bf was laughing at me the whole time cos I was taking down notes during work. I know it sounds like I'm a big loser but this is important shit. If the bank loses money, I'll be in deep shit. Well, sort of.
What happened to my data entry job? I'm being reduced to paperwork and filing. *grumbles* Besides, there are thousands of shitass formula to use to calculate those loans and whatnot. Thats why I was copying notes. Am damn proud of it though. Only thing that OT was wasted cos I copied the wrong thing and the whole pile has to be rechecked. Hohoho. I'll leave that to monday anyways. I hope melissa eng doesn't go hopping mad when she goes thru them. x)
You know.. I have no damn idea what's up with stupid singaporeans and their sudden interest in buying Toyotas' and Lexus'. All that digging in the vault to find some dork who's surname is Lee or Lim or Ling or Tan, Tang, Tay, Teo.. FUCK OFF.
Then there's the infamous Mohamad, Mohammad, Mohd, Muhamed, Muhamad, Muhammed, Muhammad. FUCK OFF TOO. Bet you never knew that name could be spelt in so many ways.
Found myself a pretty good corner in the office. Except when bf decides to creep to my front and shout "HI!!!" while I'm busy concentrating with my tasks. (Scares me sometimes) I'm being meticulous ok..
Aside from that, life's been good. Obviously. Escaping from the harsh realities of life (ie home) early in the morning and only returning close to 10.. Ahhhh. Of course the ever frequent visits to bf's desk and vice versa makes everything even better. Bf: you wanna sponge me? I'll get you one passion. Hehe.
That's it for now. How interesting do you expect working life to be anyway.. Dumbass

Finally.. no more of this mundane shit that involves waking up at 830(when i'm not even working pls. yes. you can call me a nua-er), reading selective articles from the newspaper and ploughing thru countless university booklets.(when i'm not even sure i'm guaranteed a place for god's sakes)
This is the day that I've been waiting for. I don't care if I have to sacrifice my (already gone) social life or that I can't watch anymore of my junk mtv shows like Rich Girls, Pimp My Ride, Viva la Bam or my favourite mtv jams.. SCREW THAT. The cash's gonna start rolling in. *ka-chinggg* No.. not superficial. I'm just being damn practical.

I'm better off on my own.
(Turning into clara. But I promise gfs, no more of her disease)

No more uniforms(ugly or nice)ever again. '04 was a damn bloody fucked up year. Met people who were effed to the core, got into similar situations.. you get the drift.
Only wished for '05 to be better. Nothing more, nothing less. But I was in for a big surprise. Perhaps the NYE celebration was just an entree to an even more fucked up year ahead.
Tricia, one more time and I swear we're gonna find somewhere we can really call home. You know the insanity doesn't just end there.

Donated items to the indonesian embassy includes:
-Heels
-3 baby prams
-10 lamps without lamp shades
-carpets
-dirty bras and panties

Seriously.. I think singaporeans treat this whole thing as a big joke or maybe as a chance to get rid of old and unwanted things. Not that they really had the intention to help others. Cos if they did, those items wouldn't appear in the collection. To sum it up, they don't think before they do anything. Basket idiots. What.. think you donate these items would make you feel good cos you've been charitable? Psychoing yourself only la.. Why would ppl want baby prams? So in case there's another disaster, parents can escape faster with their kids?? Or maybe take a stroll in the park?? Fuckers.
NYE was bloody bad. Went to some unknown's house party themed, Britney. Yes. WTF!!! But what can 2 girls do but follow the 8 other old men.. Was pretty psyched about touring town in a lorry but that never happened. Ended up in chun's car fetching many people. Oh.. Crystle had a major orgasm whilst sitting on my lap. x) Very hilarious jokes directed at uncle liao in the car. So yup. That was the good thing cos everything became sooooo bad after that.
One rum shot and many cups of chivas wasted biatch and I. Fuckin losing at indian poker made everything worse. Could remember bits abt last nite..
-crystle lying everywhere
-me lying not everywhere but staggering about
-Q asking me to say smth abt uncle liao and these came out from my mouth. "he sucks", "he's been checking out your girl", "he sucks".
-shld have said he took computing.. HAHAHA
-was sober enuff to entrust chun (whom i suspect was a bit tipsy) to send me home
-literally dragged from orchard pt back to the carpark opp. cine by chun. thank god i was wasted if not i'll nv live it down
-chun found crystle's tampons in my bag
-fuckin bad hangover and puked twice

Chun, cldn't thank you enuff man seriously. I apologise for whatever stupid shit I said or did cos you cld tell I was fuckin wasted. It's yr fault for introducing the game. But then again, you were a damn good navigator and driver. Crystle and I are looking forward to sitting in your lorry!!!! Happy new year to you too..
Biatch, you suck, I swear.. Shld have left the fuckin Britney party and the old men. I hope you're still alive though. No more drinking with you.. you realised the same thing happened but on a less tragic scale at my place? me you high, sha and ra rolling their eyes? iLu too!! *muah*
Vic's probably sniggering away thinking, "i told you you cldn drink". WHATEVER..
Enuff said. Just glad my sis didn't kill me. I swear no more crashing house parties and getting this tipsy. NO MORE.