This is damn sad. I thought that the idea of being left alone at home(as in seriously alone. No parents, no irritating sister and the other one lives in Jurong so it's impossible for her to come here as and when she likes. Ok. She can but whatever) for 4 days would be swell. But I'm starting to doubt it now.
Besides having to wake up extra early to catch the bus to school and going for tuitions by myself, I actually don't exactly like the thought of being alone. Though the maid's here but I don't even talk to her! No msn, no icq. I'm sucha pathetic loser!!! Of course there are times when I absolutely hate being around people, but this obviously isn't "one of those times".
Smses aren't from people that I'm keen to talk to. So usually a reply back and thats it. All I do is grumble day in day out. I'm so sure people who read my blog are sick of it. Those who have to hear it, would suffer more. Paiseh la.. I would rather find someone to quarrel and then make up instead of stoning and trying to do unproductive studying. THIS IS SOOOO BAD!!! And boring.
Tonight is tv galore. Only The O.C to look forward to. Hur hur
Bloody hell. The cheesy backstreet boys song just popped into my head. "Loneliness has always been a friend of mine..." Yeah. It's my best friend now.
No one would be so nice to take long bus rides to my place to keep me company. Everyone lives so farrrrrr away. No bf,mo and biatch. I still have the tequila la!!!! And my piang sis wldn be here to tell us to lower the volume of the stereo. Fucker.
I think I shld stop teasing jinghow abt him having no friends. I feel like I have no friends now. Of course I have my gfs and their 24/7 hotlines are open but... It's so samsuli->courtesy of jason zyzy.

*I'm living in fuckers' paradise.

Taking sides; no one likes to do that unless they don't have a choice. But anyway, it's good that people make the correct decision.
Totally like wtf man.
I wish those teachers would hurry up with their marking and return my horrific scripts back. All at one go, instead of prolonging my suffering. So far, so bad. Ok. I shouldn't be complaining yet(till I get back econs and gp) cos math grade is maintained and I improved by 1 grade for chem. But I'm not satisfied. No one ever is, anyway. I gotta psycho myself to do better for chem and aim higher for math since econs is a sure goner. It's possible. I've witnessed miracles. Seldom, but I did.
Studies and results aside.
Tuition r.o.c.k.e.d! I dragged my drenched body and fatigue mind to stupid tuition but it was all worth it. Though nat and I have to be the most hated people there. Hahahaha. A little outta proportion but it good enough for viewing. x)
Morning shows on 987 sucks. Djs talk incessantly and the callers, my god. 99.99% of them are malays. Not bringing up any racist issues here but it only shows one thing. I don't have to elaborate right? Btw, Joss Stone shall now be my number 1 hated singer. Constipated singing should nv be played in the morning. Especially when there are grouchy people like me. Was telling ulynn if they still have Flash Trash Friday, I'll call in and request for all her songs to be trashed. Hahahha. That segment was like how passe.. I heard it when I was in p5 in the stinky ol' school bus.
So anyway, bf was asking me how come certain people can be so rude. Beats me too. If I knew, I wouldn't be in cj. Not gonna start a blog war here. I still value what I (seemingly?) have. Even if it is as small as a virus. I think it's still present. Gah!
I think I'd better spend more time with *siao and fi since we have smth in common. Unlike you, you, you and you. -roll eyes- Hur hur.
The disease is back and here to stay for a while. So till I find a permanant cure(which I doubt so), pls make do with my randomness.

*Burning

1. Tell from my facial expression.
2. My new found hobby; to indulge in the sinful pleasures of the tongue.
3. Do many things in a day so I feel good.
4. I saw you and your scandal. Hahaha.
5. I was the most irritating passenger on the bus.
6. My current hp plan rocks! Though the smses are still exceeding the sky's limit.
7. The moronic kids playing with sparklers that make sounds like a bomb's gonna hit my house, is bloody annoying.
8. To do it consecutively for 25 times is enough to make me go mad.(I counted)
9. Mid-autumn festival. My neighbour's too busy mugging for promos to go carry lanterns with me.
10. Ppl who deliberately change their minds about not going for grad nite AT THE LAST MINUTE suck. I don't wanna make do with Marina Mandarin.
11. School was a complete waste of time.(with only 1 tutorial and 1 lecture being conducted)
12. I get to see beloved khoo tomorrow!!! -i'm.all.smiles-
13. Chiam's so psyched on his own wedding, it's also making me go ding dong.
14. My sister said the heat in Dubai is melting her. 40degresscelcius.
15. I ought to start studying for econs. Where's Malcolm?!
16. I thought you knew. But you didn't. The time will come.
17. Saved! is such a pro christian thing. Overly so.
18. The lady at the counter was a lazy fuck.
19. Banglas still creep me out. Next time they do that to me again, I'll show them my middle.
20. I killed a baby cockroach myself w/o making a din.(everyone pls clap yr hands)

My 20 random thoughts for today.

To whom it may concern:
Tolerating all that truckload of nonsense from you is over. Some people just simply DO NOT understand the meaning of humility; which obviously is a major major turn off. Perhaps now you understand why all this shit is happening to you. Learn to open those tiny eyes of yours and observe the expression of others when you start to self-proclaim. No wait. You must be blinded by your HUGE ego to even realise something's amiss. Can I add on that it's so bloody obvious that you have the lowest self esteem ever. That's why you can continuously praise yourself for 136579519876 times. And not be a least bit embarrassed. It's not just me. It's not just my gfs whom you call the bitches. Take a million steps back and then maybe you can see the truth. The truth that you've denied for god knows how long. Oh yeah, don't go round calling us bitches when you're no better than a low life creep. And to lie to your so-called "good" friends, oh my... that's just plain repulsive. You should never lie to your buddies. Didn't you know that? Cos keeping things from them is entirely different from telling a big fat fib. You apparently, can't tell the difference, can you?!
Yours sincerely, the bitch

Gfs, no need to ask. It is that one. Your assumption is factual. That's right. And to you: Don't say that I'm being mean to your friend again ok.. I've been trying to contain my dissatisfaction for the longest time ever. Grrrrr

RE-EDITED
Take whatever I'm about to say with a pinch of salt. Half the time, I let impulsiveness rule my head. This is no exception.
I was again, doing my pseudo mugging since my dad didn't allow me to watch Anger Management. So you see, when I'm not concentrating hard on something, I tend to think of alot of things and it's becoming unhealthy. It's like a worse form of stoning and it's happening more often than not.
Anyway, I was just thinking about the things I regretted doing/not doing, saying/not saying etc. It's just painful to look back at my "sorrowful" past; photographs, letters, smses and of course, my memory that only works at its optimum when it comes to reliving the past in my head. Or simply known as reminiscing. Many events have occured along the way and surely, the sun doesn't always shine. But that's not the point cos that's part of life isn't it?
I've asked myself many times before, what do I really want. Because there's a fine line between something I desire, and something that would benefit me(which isn't neccessarily what I want). Problem is, the two things tend to come together to form a homogeneous crap. Or maybe it's just me. I dunno. That's the reason why good things never ever last for me.
Repeated events. I've seen and experienced them. I think I might be able to be the director of my own life and win an Oscar award. Which I technically am right? Lemme rephrase. I mean I can predict and role play the forthcoming events and then win the award. It's like riding a bicycle up a steep slope; the journey to the peak of the slope is tideous. Then when you reach the top, you attain a sense of satisfaction for overcoming whatever obstacles you might have met along the way. Can't stay up there forever right? Then that's the end of your euphoria. So you go down, speeding like a bullet train. You fall off yr bicycle, scrap yr knees and bruise yr elbows. But you never learn your lesson. So you repeat the same thing and everything goes back to square one. Fuck that shit. I can link so many events to that poor analogy of mine.(pardon me for that bit. I'm not good at expressing myself) There's the whole sec 2 issue of "oh yay!! I got into trip science. All that hardwork finally paid off.." and then came the O levels and how badly I screwed that thing up cos of one subject. History's repeating itself again for the A levels. I know it. It seems like I'm becoming more and more like an imbecile retard as I (mature?). Using "grow" seems so.. teenage.
Of course there are other events. All I can say is that I highly doubt the essence of true friendship still prevails. They know and I know so that's good enough. Besides, I'm quite sick of getting teary already. All those chickflicks, tsk!
Don't assume that I'm feeling darn jaded now whatsoever although it might seem like the case. Okay. Maybe I am. I always sound jaded on my posts. But I'm not really all that mental. I just need an outlet to vent and rant. Just for you ppl to take note that my oriention in life is slightly off. It's as good as a faulty compass. And I'm the girl stuck in the jungle and can't seem to find her way out.
I sense contradictory thoughts coming my way yet again. And especially when I get mother emotional for unknown reasons, it seems like there's a hurricane going on in my head. Something as serious as the one happening now in Bahamas but you have to reduce Bahamas to the size of my brain and so everything will be in proportion.
Gah.. I just wish I could wind back the little clock that's controlling our lives and take back whatever I've lost along the way. Not gonna rectify mistakes cos that'll only make life more mundane than it already is. I'm so blah

*Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?

Last night was well.. I wouldn't classify it as fantastic but it was better than what I had expected. Though there was much sleaze and the shock I got when there was smokey breath coming from lj.. x) Yeah. Then the spoiler. I had to be back home by 1130 and when I was in the cab, my dad called and asked if I was even going home!!! Damnit. So much for boozing to destress. All I had was 3 shots and 1 can of coke. Hahahha. Whatever beaver.
Yingjie and Chevy were the funniest people that night.(besides the victims of the lip burning incident) The whole shoe stomping crap to the girly immitation of "chevy... they want us to hail a cab for them.." and chevy giving the universal hand signal.
I suspect I was laughing like some lunatic cos I was on my random high again. Not alcohol high pls.
Lets do a survey for my dearest debs. Pls tell me if your ring finger is longer than your index(which is the norm).
Randomness again. I need to do something next friday night. I'll be home alone. That's if my big sis isn't bringing her whole family over her to BABY-SIT ME!
And oh.. the school's doing a pretty shitass job by making us bring the deposit for grad nite WITHOUT telling us where it's gonna be held. To quote the people who passed the msg on to us "it's gonna be at a 5 star hotel in orchard". I'm so sure it's gonna be 5 star la huh.. The problem with hellhole is that the staffs ALWAYS exaggerate everything. So maybe 5 star means 4 star in actual fact. And orchard means somewhere near marina. I'll just bring the buckeroos along JUST IN CASE someone psychoed the principal into letting us having some glam after being deprived of everything(hey.. we didn't even get to go for the tekong shit man)

*And I find peace
When I'm confused
I find hope when
I'm let down

It's always great balls of fun when the *siao&co. hang out together. More so when two relatively strong men were caught having a tug-o-war with the miso soup. For 15 mins to be exact. So that was how I spent my friday. The long awaited friday.
Bloody bitch.
That was to no one in particular. Just felt like typing that down cos it seems like I haven't uttered anything close to that for eons. That's a lie of course. Heh..
But quite frankly, I really haven't been using my fuck-as-a-punctuation for quite some time. One week maybe? That's big news pls. Because now I use them at the start of my sentences. HAHAHAHAHAHA
Ok. Blame my insanity on the prelims. Squeezed the last drop of sanity brain juice outta me for that econs paper. Although I'm still getting a big fat F for it. It's not the failing part that gets me down(ok. it does but not sooo much cos econs has always been a goner for me)but more so because I don't wanna graduate from cj with an atrocious set of results. Imagine this. Gonna fail GP and econs, chem with a mediocre pass if I'm lucky and math with a B this time. Pathetic aint it? It's like the worst attained grades ever in my 2 yrs in cj. Even my jc1 mid yr grades were much more pleasing. D D E and a B4 for gp pls. Mind you. The E was for chem. *beams*
I rented vcds yesterday. Already watched 2; The Butterfly Effect and 13 going on 30. Good shit. Cos I have good taste just that due to time constraints, I couldn't watch them in a cinema. Recently, bimbotic shows have this tear jerking effect on me. I have no idea why. But it happened when I was watching the cinderella story and then it happened again when I watched 13 going on 30. Getting sentimental. But then again, bimbotic shows aren't just all about pink, white, blonds, love, hunks, gorgeous legs(hmph), bitching, bitches..(serious stereotyping going on here) there's always "and the moral of the story is..." behind every brainless romantic comedy. So, it's good.

*Someday we'll find, the rainbow connection..

You're a girl power mommy! You love to be girly,
but you're no pushover. Your kids are learning
that gender differences don't have to mean
gender inequality. You've taken back pink, and
you don't care who knows it!

Just received this note from a friend. It totally made sense. I'm feeling guilty over here cos I thought the friendship was made available just for the times when I needed to rant, cuss or simply go on my infamous random high. Well, I'm wrong. Very. It's the warm and fuzzy feeling I get after knowing that there ARE friends out there who genuinely care for my well being, that really pleases me. I've grown to realise that it really doesn't matter if the 2 of us seldom talk and all. It all boils down to the "special connection" and chemistry that we share. In fact, the people who are close to you might not always be the ones who'll provide you with "words of wisdom". Think about it. Most of your friends will be there when you're having a good time. But those who'll stick with you thru thick and thin, you'll be able to count them with only 5 fingers. I'm grateful that I have friends like these to fall back on. Esp you. x)
Gosh! That one paragraph of words made me snap back to reality. Was drifting too far away from the harsh realities of life. It's scary to know that I'm capable of doing such stuff.
Onto other less significant stuff, I've made a extremely painful decision. I.am.not.going.for.Blue's.concert. I'm being practical here. It's gonna suck all of the buckeroos from my wallet if I wanna get a good view. Plus with so many birthdays coming up, I think presents are my priority. And since we're on the topic of birthdays and all........
HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY, MY DARLING, XIA-SUAY BUDDY, 1/7 OF THE AFS, ZYZY'S GIRLFRIEND AND OF COURSE MY ONE AND ONLY IRREPLACIBLE BF AND LOVE OF MY LIFE
You're the most irritating piece of fuck shit I've ever met and unfortunately, the one I happen to love most too. Been thru countless of bitchings, cat fights, been there for you just like how you were always there for me and stealing hugs(me from u). Seen you cry, seen you smile, know all of your dark deeds *hurhur! vice versa x)*, been there done that(all those nasty and silly things we do and fill in the blanks). You're truly one special angel. Note: I said angel. Not hantu. I don't care if tsui calls us the dumbest persons alive. I love you for who you are. Aren't you glad we did the dreaded "small talk" last year? I think my actions speak louder than the pathetic words that fill up the empty spaces. In everyday school life. Hahaha. *muaah*
Okay. The rest's personal. Personal service for my personal bf. x)
And I think I might have been neglecting my swan for far too long. My apologies dear! Look on the bright side; at least you finish the dreadful prelims tmr! And you can happily throw your notes to one corner for errr. A few hours. Go party!!! Damn econs and the useless econs dept.

*Give the relationship some recognition

I'm trying bloody hard not to laugh. But I can't. Cos what I heard on the radio was the cheesiest thing I've heard all day long.
I was tuned in to 987 when jamie yeo said, "now.. we have an sms from kheng hsin.." Just fyi(those ppl who don't take chem), kheng hsin is my lecturer and was my tutorial teacher last year. So that sentence made me drop my pencil to listen attentively. "he says he wants to let his wife know that he loves her more than his mini... how sweet!!" Yeah.. You might be thinking, it might not be him. BUT. How many singaporeans are there with the name KHENG HSIN, HAS A WIFE, AND DRIVES A MINI COOPER?! ONLY ONE!!! Muahahahhahahahahahaha..
Couldn't stop laughing when I called bf and mo.. my laughter was somewhat contagious. See, if he can sms 987 when he's already 31 yrs old, I wouldn't be surprised if he reads his students' blogs. So, Mr Tan, if you're reading this, I'm so so sorry. I thought your msg was just bloody funny. Hahahahhahahaah.
I just gotta to blog this. You don't get to hear this kinda thing everyday, esp if he's your teacher.
JO!!!! You've been MIA for too long. Did prelims take up too much of yr time?? Actually, I think I studied more for O levels than now. Heh.. Anyway, I got sick of the pink thing. Plus I'm shameless so this new template suits me perfectly! x) As for prom, I wore a black top and some black skirt. More practical than getting a gown or smth since I won't get to wear it so often. It was fuckin casual cos my prom was held at some place(too disgraceful to blog it). PLUS PROM SUCKED!!!!! Where is it gonna be this year? I can't imagine what you're gonna wear. Take photo and show me k? Grow yr hair la!!
Ok.. back to math. I think the more I do, the more confused I get. I should tell myself that I know my work. Which is 90% true. I love stats. Wheeee. Oh. The mtv for Nelly's flap your wings is totally fwoahh, orgasmic and erotic. I like.

Lemme share some interesting findings..
"A particularly brutal form of female genital mutilation, called introcision, is practised by the Pitta-Patta aborgines in Australia. When a girl reaches puberty, the whole tribe assembles. An elderly man will enlarge the vaginal orifice by tearing it with three fingers bound with a string or with a stone knife.(OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!) This is followed by compulsory sexual intercourse with a few young men."
Omfg.. Imagine losing your virginity at what, 11? But then again, those tribal people couldn't care less, would they? I mean, we've been taught since young that having pre-marital sex is wrong and all that kinda thing. So those moral values have been inculcated in us. But tribal people don't even have education, so maybe they don't think like we do. *shrugs*
Another one.
"In medieval Europe, intercourse was forbidden when the wife was menstruating, pregnant, nursing, during the numerous religious holidays as well as on feast days, fast days, Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays, during daylight, when naked, when in church.. unless you were trying to get a child."
This is absurd la. Might as well rename the country as Land of the Virgins. Or transfer the name of Virgin Islands to them. No sex when naked? Then what? Sex when fully clothed? The bloody government must be some person who practices extreme celibacy. Crazy mofo I swear.

1) u're going on a date for a walk around the
lake then a coffee at a cafe, wad do u wear from
ur closet?
- Tank top, shorts, sneakers
2)letter or e-mail?
- Letter. The whole hand written bit makes it more sincere.
3) if world war III broke out, what would u say?
- Finally.
4) is the world screwed?
- Very much so.
5) wad's an object u can't live without?
- Clothes. Hahaha. Unless I'm banished to some nude island.
6) wad's one personality trait that attracts u to
a guy/girl?
- Gotta be his character. I'm a sucker for guys who make me genuinely happy.
7) who's phone number are u hoping to get?
- Chad Michael Murray. x)
8)(guys) how would u feel if u gave a girl a
flower? (girls) how would u feel if u got a
flower from a guy?
- It's sweet la. But I'll be saying, "why waste money?"
9) if u had the chance to slow down ur
growth now and live to 500 years but it's like a
50 year old body by then, would u go for it?
- noooooooo
10) (guys) ur gf has long beautiful hair which
u love, she comes to school the next day with a
short crop cut. what do you HONESTLY
think?
(girls) your bf has hair u love. he comes to
school the next day with a shiny head. wad do u
HONESTLY think?
- I'll furreeaakkk!!!!! I hate botaks. What more skin head. Urghhh. I'll get him a wig.
11) wad's something u ALWAYS have on u?
- The scent from my perfume.
12) do u stay in bed thinking or do u fall
alseep in 5 seconds?
- It depends. But most of the time, I do a recap of the day's event before sleeping. I know I'm weird.
13) ur bf/gf gets drunk at a party. in his/her state of
drunkness, they babble about that one time he/she
fooled around with someone else while u two are
together. he/she wakes up the next morning with a
slight memory that he/she did something stupid.
what will u do?
- Confront him. DUH!
14) wanna live in a castle?
- Nope.. All the fairy tales about princesses being locked up or given sleeping potion creeps me out.

I think I'm blogging excessively. Bad E'an.
Anyhow, I was reading through some of my old posts(and some not very old posts). Came to one conclusion. I habour thoughts and opinions that 18 year olds shouldn't be having already. Yikes.. Its like, my short term goal now is to think before I blog. So that when I read about what I've written in the past, I wouldn't go "omg.. did I really say that?" If I am a very very impulsive person, I think I'd have deleted the whole archives thing. It's just so embarrassing. But it's just so me to say the most frivolous stuff most of the time. So wouldn't the whole think-before-I-blog thing make me fake? I've had enough of having contact with hypocrites daily. No doubt everyone has this little devil in them. Be honest! Who hasn't been a hypocrite in their entire life so far? I say you're lying.
Then there's the whole issue about the xia suay act. Might seem fuckin hilarious at that point of time, inviting unwanted attention from the public. But it isn't all that funny after all. I'm a major embarrassment; anywhere doing anything. I need a whole new change of identity. Being well known for the wrong reason is tragic. Not that I'm saying I'm famous but I guess hanging out with a big clique in school does bring about attention from others. Especially when everyone's seeing Red. There's the grinding act in the canteen with clara. Or was it bf? Heh. And the pe dept was giving us the weird look. When it comes to hanging out with steffie one on one, it's worse. The spastic laughing syndrome just acts up. I think I'm at the peak of calmness when I'm with my swan. Relatively so cos math lectures don't count.

*I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Muahahahahhahahaha. People actually consider brands like 37 Degrees and Ocean Pacific, as branded goods. I couldn't stop laughing after reading what I saw. Like hello?! Wake up to reality.. Those are like so goddamned secondary school days. No. Kids these days are getting more hip and cool. Just yesterday, I saw a few crescent girls purchasing a pair of pumps from Topshop. Secondary school girls with childish faces shouldn't even think of getting pumps. Firstly, not everyone looks good in pumps. So, they should just stick to whatever that's in for sec. sch kids now. Sneakers perhaps?! Okay. Went off tangent there. The bottom line is, kids these days are getting richer and are patronising shops that aren't exactly suitable for their age. So it would be wrong for me to stereotype those loser brands as the sec. sch wear. Primary school perhaps. But still. Branded? ahahahhahahaha
The fat lard who said that they were branded obviously couldn't think clearly. And MY GOD. Those cutesy shirts are already a turn off. What more on her fat ass body. Nvm. Karma. I'll shut up.
And IJ girls haven't been wearing the pinafore properly. I admit, I didn't wear mine the way it should be worn but I didn't go to the extreme of ultra ultra short pinafores and mother low belts AND tucking out the pinafore. That's just ewwww. Bf said "kids these days.." hahaha

Am back from my pseudo shopping trip. Pseudo cos I only bought 2 items. How pathetic is that! I've learnt the trick to conning my dad into buying me stuffs. *evil laugh* My niece should always be present cos he'll be too engrossed in playing with her and not really bother about what he's doing. The next thing, I've got cash in my hands. Woohoo!!
Yeah. So I got my hot pink adidas sneakers and a cheapo tank top. I'm still not satisfied. Thats why, I hope that my plan to go Down Under after the A's would be granted by the parental unit. With my friends, not them of course. I mean I hinted to him before and he seems fine with it. But when my results come back, I'm sure it'll be an entirely different story. My dad's weird. He trusts me enough to let me go on a holiday without them and yet, forbids me to go clubbing?! But anyhow, I think the holiday opp. far beats clubbing. Big L!
That stupid bastard was retarded enough to call me so goddamn early just to tell me something he was supposed to say yesterday. And once my sleep is disrupted, I take ages to go back to sleep. Mofo. Know what's irritating? It was to kao bei abt the most superficial stuff I've ever heard from a guy. Never expected this guy to have girly genes. No.. it's not just him. I know of many others. Another example of gender equality. Hahahahhaha.
I feel itchy. Some jackass mosquito bit my toe! MY TOE!!!!! Fucker.

*Wednesday

You know honestly, I think getting back the results is far worse than sitting for the paper. Especially after today's chem paper. Whatever I didn't study for came out. And it wasn't really my fault. It was a minor minor topic. Stupid teachers chose to give 3 full questions on it. ~!(@#&$^)*&
Imagine the shock I got when I flipped through the paper. I almost died. Whatever happened to the affinity towards setting organic and electro chem questions?! I banked on those cos they are MAJOR topics!!! And only ONE miserable question for each was set. Argh.. This isn't looking good. And my math is a sure goner(unless I ace stats which err.. remains a ?). Perhaps I should break the bad news to my parents before the results come back. I'll be fucked for life. What's with the never ending bad luck streak man..
On a happier note, I went on my virgin movie marathon with bf today!! Ok. Wasn't a marathon cos it was just 2 movies; The cinderella story and Dodge ball. No brainer, fairy-taled, hilarious and good entertainment. I like. Oh yeah. We're heading towards doom I swear. Princess Diaries 2 is coming out on the 4th of Nov aka Gp paper for A levels. Any interested parties? Hahhahah
Plus, I saw this hot pink adidas sneakers. It was love at first sight. I'm gonna get daddykins to get it for me. SOON! Before it either runs outta my size or it's the only pair left. Ok. My fetish for pink IS back. But it isn't here to stay for long. So that doesn't make me Garlic's twin ok? x)
Oh my.. something must be very wrong with biatch and I. You see. We tried to win the Blue concert tix by smsing/calling 987. Failed of course. But the irony being, I'm not exactly a boy band kinda person. So I honestly have no idea why I did that. Or why biatch did that. Though the thought of groovin to One Love seems appealing. No.. Not any cheesy groovin. It has to be the one that clara and crystle does best. With no shame, much courage and right in the middle of town. I admire you two for your audacity girls. One Lurvee
Bf, wo ai ni. And mafia's nicer now. Cos of the ride home. Hope you all found yr way to meatballs eventually. Hahhaha. I still think JaJa is ugly. Tell him that. Yes. We shall live our fantasy of shopping in the posh and prime part of taka in 20 years' time. Shopping outta this tiny island wouldn't be a problem. We'll pay Tiff and Co a visit ever so often that they'll give us VIP cards. By then, Lee Hwa and the rest will be reduced to nothingness. Spas, expensive pedicures and manicures would be like breathing to us. Err.. do you really think we'll be able to do all those? I think not leh. Dream ok? Dreaming is good.
Just to add on cos I'm really bored now. I think mediacorp shld just gimme back my OC and do away with Singapore Idol. It's stupid. The judges make superficial comments which really serves no purpose. The contestants try too damn hard too. No doubt there are a few good ones like Leandra. Oh. Judges try even harder to sound like Simon Cowell. Aint working. In fact, it makes me cringe. But. That Benjamin Eio guy's cute! Looks like Benedict Goh(not sure if u ppl still remember him). The one who hosted the Pyramid Game eons back. No seriously. He IS cute. Babyboy cute. Not the hot cute.
Lastly, to godsend and crystle: Thanks for the inputs. We share the same sentiments.

*I need cash to buy manymanymany things

RE-EDITED
The wind's blowing like a thunderstorm is approaching. Ok. The thunderstorm IS approaching. What I meant to say was, a hurricane is approaching. But that's impossible. How unexciting to live in Singapore where there are no natural disasters. Wouldn't it be cool to wake up one day,(like maybe during A levels when our econs paper 3 is due), and then there's a national announcement saying: ALL EXAMS ARE POSTPONED CANCELLED DUE TO UNFORSEEN CIRCUMSTANCES.
Err. Right. In my dreams balls.
But I swear this weather is really some scary shit man. Was playing tug-of-war with the wind in my desperate means to close the windows. I won of course. Hahaha
Thank god I'm dry and sorta comfy at home. x)
Okay. Enough said. Gettin panicky here already. Which is a good sign right?

Just an observation. I've done it for quite some time and I think I have substantiate evidence to make this claim. When people go through breakups, they always do something to their hair. Cutting, being the norm of course. Did anyone of you realise that too? Is it some kinda symbolism of a "fresh start, new beginning" kinda thing? Or does cutting mean removing away the bad luck since breakups aren't good? Someone please enlighten me. A little random. Read the blog of someone who just broke up a few days back, and she mentioned getting a new hair cut. And of course, from my own observations for the past few years.
Oh. And I saw the stupidest thing ever. I happen to walk to the front door and I saw my dog chasing his tail. For God's sake. He's already 1 year plus! And its not like he doesn't have toys. Though I must admit that his toys don't usually last for more than a week. He's a living weapon of mass destruction.

*Suicidal thoughts

Saw this and found it quite meaningful so I thought I'd share it.
"Learn to write your hurt in the sand and carve your blessings on a stone."
Okay, I admit. It's motherfatherfuckincliched.
I think the new song by Usher and Alicia Keys-My Boo, is uber cute. The lyrics that is.
Getting very random here. The epitome of boredom.
What I need now, is to go on a movie marathon. I wanna watch sooo many movies but due to the very obvious reason(ie prelims), I can't. And by next week, I'm super sure I can kiss the movie goodbye. Getting the vcd and watching it at home just isn't the same.
There's 13 going on 30, Harold and Kumar go to white castle, and probably other random shows.
Besides the movies, there's retail therapy. Bf.............. where are you?! That mafia is too much! You're only within my reach in school. After that, you scoot off to god knows where and that's the end of you. Don't wanna sound like some sick, perverted and lesbianfied girl but yeah!! I got his numberrr.. maybe I should call him and say hello soon yeah?!
Running outta things to say. I really should keep to my word and mug for chem.
Just a few replies before I go.
Siao: I love you too. *manymanymanykisses*
Deb: Can you not call him Jeremy?! Everytime I see or hear that name, I just wanna go to the toilet and shit. And laugh non-stop. Oh yeah.. I saw the 6 series. You shld have seen the look on his face when I told him, your sis promised deb's sis a ride in the 6 series. He was like, for what?! When?! which sister? Daphne? Wah.. she's damnnnnn hot la. Damn random sial. Hahaha. I still hate A.A
Pussy: You're no pretty boy. You're still a pussy face.

*I love the way I feel today
But how I know the sun will fade
Darker days seem to be
What will always live in me
But still I run

pfftt
I can see my A or even B for math, flying away... away away away..
and 10 fuckin essay questions for chemistry isn't much fun either. blame it on poor time management, a memory that's failing me and good for nothing except remembering useless stuffs and yes. of course, blame it on the fuckin paper. I really really worked my ass off for this fuck shit, writing out the 687981987 different formula, reciting the definations(I sound bloody moronic chanting stuffs into the wee hours of the morning) and stuff and yet, forgot what's the use of adding Al ions to water. but now I know.
For those interested, it'll form Al(OH)3 which will then adsorb the finely suspended impurities before sinking and removing it. ROAR!!!!!!!
stupid prelims. stupid A levels. I just wanna skip this phase and move on to the working world. whatever I'm learning now serves no purpose in life. not like I'm gonna be some mathematician or work with the WWF to "save the earth". I don't even care if the ozone layer is depleting.
People should just continue using more CFCs and exhaling more carbon dioxide. Bye bye earth. Bye bye e'an

Just came back from watching Trocks. x) yep. The smiley says it all.
On a more serious note, after reading my biatch's blog, familiar scenes and images started to flood my mind. But, I'm glad to tell you, biatch, that so far, I haven't made any of the "mistakes" that you've stated. Whether it's official or not anyway. My greatest regrets are always from other sources. Heh
This is to add on to what she said. The thought of losing a close friend sucks. When it really does happen, the feeling's just... I dunno. Words aren't able to express the kinda feeling. I don't mean acquaintances of course. No one is able to keep all the friends they make along the way. Gain some, lose some. But if the one you happen to lose as a friend was actually the one who was there for you in the wee hours, when you needed to talk but not talk,(get what I mean right?) the one who made you find your inner-self and strengths, the one who told you off when you screw things up and not put on a facade and go "haha", the one who knocks sense into you(not very pleasant at that pt of time but I was really thankful after that), the one who can make you laugh so hard and also cry, the very one who taught you never to underestimate yourself..... fuck man. Don't ask me why I'll be/I'm sad. It's obvious isn't it? Gfs, thats you. And of course some retards including the one who hasn't seen any pussies expt for cats *grin*, the comp geek and maybe selective others.
Everything seems pretty ok now.. But after we leave college, how many of the friends we've made over the past 2 years are we gonna keep? It's scary cos my intuition tells me, 5 yrs down the road, I can count the number of friends I'm still in contact with, with 10 fingers. That's why in my previous post, I asked if friendship really does have an expiry date.
Bet everyone's guilty of at least this: When you see someone you know and used to talk to in school or on the streets, sometimes, we just pretend it didn't happen and turn away.
The world is too terrible. Maybe cos it's unpredictable. I just realised that guys do even worse backstabbing than us. Easy to fathom out? Probably. Maybe this was what they meant by gender equality.
Gahh.. just feeling particularly emotional these few days. With all the things that bf and I have been harping on; nonsensical randoms, serious shit, kb-ing about everything, yada yada. AFs, seems like the only person I've been mentioning in my blog is just tricia. Heh. It's just that she was the only soul I've been seeing most often ever since the holidays started. Not that I've forgotten you people. Never ever. A clique within a clique is inevitable. Especially when includes 7 bitches. Whatever happened to our chocolate buffet? Wasn't that supposed to be done last year?!
I guess I've said enough. Need to keep some thoughts for the future posts.

*Sure!

Just a thought before I go to bed, realising that yesterday(friday) was bloody traumatizing and unfruitful.
Does friendship comes with an expiry date?

Wtf.. I'm bored again. So far after my last post, I've only managed to cover Nitrogen Compounds, Polymers and 10 pages of environmental chem. Oh yes.. I still have the fucked up topics like Ionic Equilibria on top of my tuition hw which is due tmr! I mean seriously man. Why do they make us learn about how to calculate the solubility of gases in the atmosphere and how ozones breakdown and why the position of equilibrium shifts left or right according to whatever that's added? What.is.the.fuckin.point?! I rather do bloody experiments the whole year round. Even if it means getting my fingers burnt by the flame or end up having corroding skin from frequent contact with the concentrated acids. This education system sucks.
I highly wonder if everyone's as screwed as they claim to be. Some, I can believe, others, nah-uh... People like ME,bf,and those usual bunch of fools. That's it.
I find it hard to divert my attention away from the computer screen back to how nitrogen is formed. Everybody together now, "what is the fuckin point?!"
I wish I was in holland v, slackin at starbucks with whoever wants to chill and talk meaningless shit. Me and my mocha frapp. I can't be bothered if the smoke suffocates me. Even better. Hey.. this is a good way to die quickly! Smoking friends, next time, remind me not to shun to one side when you guys are faggin ok? If possible pull me and make me stand within a 15 cm radius.(Me, you guys and the smoke) I promise I won't cringe when you guys open your mouth to talk. People should invent cigarettes that doesn't undergo complete combustion. CO would be produced. Even better.

Finally switched on the tv after 1567456 months and it happened to be on Central, showing Sesame Street. I grew up watching that cartoon everyday and I'm still loving it alot. Changes have happened. The kids are no longer the same bunch and the adults are gone, replaced by many unfamiliar faces. The building somehow looks more high-tech. But big bird, cookie monster, elmo and that brown bear(forgot his name. only makes guest appearances) still look and sound exactly the way I remembered. I switched off the tv after that. Then there was the purple dinosaur, Barney. My 2nd fav after Sesame Street, teenage mutant ninja turtles, double dragon. Hahahah.. now you know where I got my guy tendencies. Still remember lamenting about how unfair it is to girls cos they had tons of action-packed cartoons and so few My Little Pony and co. Not complaining now. I wonder if I would become the typical screechy voice you often hear on the streets of Orchard, wearing the piang clothes and not being independent; if I had watched My Little Pony 24/7.
There was this interesting guy who looked really good in a pink polo tee at tuition. *oh claraaaaaaa x)* He's smart. From RI and now in SAJC. Doing arts! Too bad he's quiet. Not exactly the kinda guy I want. And his face from side view is literally like a pancake. Clara, u still want? He's tan and a little cute. I give 7/10. I know my taste is unique la.. heh. And I know his name. That's all I've observed after seeing him twice. Hahahha. The rest of the time was spent trying to solve endless questions. Bloody futile. And indulging in endless gossips and criticisms about the Freaks Club. Nat, if you're reading this, guoyi said michelle has hot legs. *just take a gun and shoot me pls* Argh!!!!! Yeah. Another fact he discovered, she wore black panties today. Ok, I can just imagine your "eww" face and then go "so???". That's what I told him too.
Tuition can be endless fun with the right company. Even if it means getting scolded by Charlie for socialising . Dumb fuck. Ah yes.. nat, I'm relaxing. Guoyi talks alot of crap and nat! I'm so disappointed in you.. How can you laugh when it isn't funny?! Next time just do what I did.. Take your eraser and clean it against his legs. Muahahhahahaha
Enough time wasted. Back to Nitrogen Compounds. I'll post again at night if I feel crappy.

*Toady, Whiskers(no more), SK|| and the flirtatious Gardener.

Only today, did I realise that I miss what I used to love most when I was a little girl. The smell of dried leaves and the crunching sound they make when I step on them. Walking alone isn't all that bad actually. Without having the need to converse with your friend, you actually tend to subconciously pay more attention to your surroundings. Nostalgia hit me almost immediately. Then again, one has to grow up and learn.
I suddenly decided to revert back to my old ways. He'll be proud if he knew.
Which reminds me, there's no need for anyone to think any deeper. No need to search for clues to find the subtle hints. I'm a very straight forward person(most of the time).
Oh, and I don't believe in boarderline bullshit. They irritate me. Although I might seem oblivious quite often, I actually know what are the true intentions. No use trying to give me crap. I'm not naive and I won't buy them.

*No one ever takes me seriously.

I've thought about it long and hard. And the conclusion? I lack the intellectual ability to hold a decent and intriguing conversation. (ie, no bimbotic small talk, bitching and going, "HUH?!" ever so often) I've grown to accept the fact that if I don't start to read widely and still continue with my old ways of not reading enough current affairs and all that kinda shit, my mentality wouldn't budge from the Sweet Valley era. Frustrating as it may be, but I know men wouldn't want their wives to talk about shopping bargains, baby stuffs and the typical brainless stuffs 24/7. Though I may be guilty of that next time. I'm so sure. And then my husband(if I ever do get married. I shall remember veron's wise words) will talk about nothing but soccer, betting and sales. Scary thought. But it's gonna come true. Worse still, I'll end up getting together with science nerds.
It sounds like I'm shooting myself in the foot but seriously, I hardly get any kick outta talking to science guys. Yeah, besides the so called "connection" that we have, all else ends right there. Think about it, the guys that we bitch with best, and those we bitch about right in their faces and they don't get worked up and defensive are those from the arts faculty. Do the same with some guy from science and you get a string of vulgarities hurled right back at you. I have someone in mind now. I'm not stereotyping all science guys.. there are a few exceptions but they're really on the brink of extinction. Talked about it with bf and we arrived at the same conclusion. If possible, find someone from the arts. For starters, they are less nerdy, more enthusiastic, better with words and hence, better at expressing themselves, more romantic perhaps. That's still a question mark but it's a good assumption. Hopefully I'm right. Oh.. and NO COMPUTER GAMES!!!! Yeah!! They don't go crazy over some fuckin war craft shit. I think. That's a major turn off. Especially you're on the phone with them and suddenly it's all dead silent at the other end. All you hear is the shooting of pseudo guns and the guy goes "err.. ya?" when you say "have you been listening to what I just said?"
God.. I'm starting my nonsense again. See what I mean about not being able to discuss something with more subtance?! Like politics perhaps? Maybe I could give my opinion on the article on the court case between the ex PM and SM and that guy from the opposition party, and maybe my gp will improve slightly. But of course, that's impossible. I lack enough knowledge about what's going on and what I say would be sweeping statements. How typical of a brainless, bimbotic and unloved me.
I have no idea why I started rambling on and on about the need to increase my knowledge. Oh... now I know why.. because it's the key to everything. That's it! And that's also the reason to why things happen!! Must be it.
I could really channel my time to better use.. like really studying. It's sad, but I couldn't concentrate at all today. Including tuition, my cramps and the pain from elsewhere were killing me. I'm still deciding who should win. So yeah. I lied about being able to concentrate. I lied to you and you. I.am.a.bad.liar.
It's still early. I could probably get some chemistry and integration done. Though I'm already fucked for prelims.

*Numb and confused

I didn't mean it. I thought I was in control of everything. But somehow, asking me to look you in the eye without having my vision fogged up seems like an impossible task.
You're hell right.. I can never seem to hide anything from you. I'm a bad liar. Too bad for my own good.
Perhaps I've been replaying too many thoughts too frequently. The throbbing headache is making my world spin outta control.
Abruptness isn't exactly my cup of tea. But I have to make do with everything when my status has been altered.
Isn't it obvious that the obsession is here to stay? And that barbie was just a play toy? Or am I wrong? Prove to me then.
Can I now stereotype durians as a stinkin fruit and they'll never ever taste good? I tasted 3 seeds and they all smell bad and when it touches the tip of my tongue, it's as good as drinking aqueous ammonia. I've really had enough. Really really enough.
August/September has never been good months for as long as I remember. No wait. My life has never been smooth sailing to begin with. When I thought that my luck has finally changed for the better, situations have proven me wrong by bringing me down. Harder, faster and sometimes, without any reason.
I can't ask for anything more. I was really in heaven while it lasted.

Bf, I'm really sorry for having to wake you up so many many times. I know my voice aint exactly pleasant and my random high can really irritate the shit outta you. But like I told you earlier on, bear with me ok? I miss you terribly. By the time you see this, hopefully your sore eye is gone. We'll go catch a brainless bimbotic show. It's been a long time since I watched something senseless.

*Digging my way through the lies to find the truth.

1.Last time you laughed damn hard?
>Friday
2.Last time you cried?
>Today
3.Last time you were pissed?
>I can't remember.. It's been too long since I got really pissed at someone/something
4.Last time you were touched?
>Today
5.Last time you had $50 in your wallet?
>Last Monday
6.Last time you went out?
>Just now
7.Last time you did sports ?
>In the evening
8.Last time you won something ?
>Never been so lucky
9.Last time you had alot of fun?
>Friday
10.Last time you badly needed slp?
>Everyday in fact
11.Last movie you rented?
>Don't watch tv nowadays
12.Last movie you bought?
>ditto
13.Last movie you hated?
>Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen
14.Last movie you watched?
>Collateral
15.Last serial you bought?
>I don't fuckin waste money on such stuff
16.Last cd you bought?
>Avril Lavigne-Under My Skin
17.Last song you downloaded?
>Don't indulge in illegal businesses. Hahaha
18.Last tv show you watched?
>Right.. didn't I just say I hardly watch tv?!
19.Last song that was stuck in your head?
>My Happy Ending
20.Last magazine you bought?
>Cleo/17
21.Last person you talked to?
>Tricia
22.Last person you went to eat out with?
>Not including dinner at grandma's, Tricia
23.Last person you slow danced with?
>Errrr..
24.Last person you yelled at?
>I haven't been feeling that angry to yell at someone recently. So can't remember
25.Last person you called?
>Tricia
26.Last person you saw?
>My sister
27.Last person who called you?
>Tricia
28.Last thing you ate?
>Satay
29.Last time you drank alcohol?
>In June. With the AFs. x)
30.Last thing on your mind?
>Last as in the thought you wouldn't wanna think about? How fuckin screwed my life has been
31.Last webbie you visited?
>My blog
32.Last sms u received from?
>Veron
33.Last sms u sent out to ?
>Veron

Yep. I'm sure you can tell that Tricia rocks my life and that I'm very bored stoned again. My eyes are screaming for a break. I've tired them out. Sorry guys. So yeah.. iLu bf. You and I, together forever, amen!

*Like a jigsaw puzzle, I can see the full picture now that I've pieced everything together.

Right. Everything's a mess. I've been staring hard at my econs notes for the whole day and I've only progressed as far as 12 pages. Way way behind my timetable.
It's impossible to confide in anyone. So now dearie knows. And bf. I'm freakin out majorly. I made dearie rip it for my own use. Seems like I have to wait another 15 more days. So much for wanting to rush over to Cluny Park asap.
Sometimes, I think about what might happen and it gets me all upset. And then, there are times when I can actually laugh out loud to myself.
I don't wanna think about it. If it's true, there's only one option for me. And I don't wanna hafta deal with the aftermath.
Fuck!!!!!!
I don't want to have to undergo this whole ordeal even though I'm sure bf and dearie will be with me 24/7. It's just so wrong. Fuckin unprepared and it really caught me off-guard.

I can't stop thinking of last night's event. Bf, I wanna do it again&again&again!!!
Ok. Lemme elaborate. I was having this huge craving for fish&co's seafood platter(reminded me of singles' nite out on vday;bf,me,mo,biatch and the very anti-climax then used to be single van and matt). So I was crossing my fingers whilst messaging bf to ask if she made any plans with the mafia. It was my lucky day. So yeah. Both of us were just like hungry fucks waiting for the food. As usual, no luck when we dine together. The food took 65791891987 yrs to arrive. But when it finally did, I tossed my etiquette aside and literally gobbled down my food. First time ever, I finished everything on my plate expt for 3 squids. Finished my ginger ale and 2.25 slices of bread. Arghhhhhhhh!!! Bf was only half way through hers when I was already clearing my plate. Said I was "damn hungry huh?!". Ya balls!!! 2 bloated bitches after that. But veryvery happy!! x)
So anyway.. here's a list of reasons why I love my bf so damn much.
1. We discovered we have a common dislike for girls who take off their shoes in public places and sitting cross-legged on the chair. Absolute turnoff.
2. Our tastebuds agree on alot of things. We hate mussels
3. Music!!! *winks* expt techno. I think only biatch can be my music partner 24/7
4. Clothes!!!!!!!! That includes shopping partner. It's so hard to find someone who share the same taste in dressing. I'm keeping bf as my friend forever and ever so next time we can go shop for working clothes and 50 yrs down the road, ah ma clothes. x)
5. We're just so foul-mouthed. Eh bf, aren't you glad the nan rens aren't the typical i-want-my-girl-to-be-sweetnatured-and-cannot-curse-excessively kind?!
6. We love bread with garlic spread and she just got me hooked on consuming excess lemon butter sauce.
7. She had the courage to consume ginger ale.
8. We're the closet sluts. Majorly.
9. We argue so much that fi made this statement "I'm surprised you all are still together. I would have broken up with e'an long time ago." It's not always my fault anyway. So yeah. We have a relationship as strong as giant covalent bonds.
10. She has done so much for me. I'm eternally grateful for having her. iLu Tricia Low Wei Ling!!! *muuuaahh*
'Nuff said. The rest shall be kept till we decide to spill the beans the next time we're at fish&co, with spastic dating couples trying to eavesdrop on our slutty conversation. Hehehe

*Baby, you paint a rosy picture for me everyday. Just that you're unaware of it.

The ability for me to view my own situation as from the point of view of a 3rd party has made me realise that things aren't as picture perfect as we thought it would be. But I understand. All good things must come to an end anyway. I'm ready to face reality.
I should learn to cultivate extra sensitivity nowadays too. It's horrid when I say things that I shouldn't or when I know I should mask my opinions but I don't. The consequences fuckin suck.
Regarding everything and anything, I guess my presence obviously doesn't make any significant difference.
when I say no to you, I mean it. So quit trying to tell me the benefits that I'll miss out if I don't agree. Fuckin morons.
Lastly, I'm not gonna be so nice anymore.

This post sounds angsty cos my blog has become a place for me to filter my thoughts, get rid of all that shit so I have excess capacity and can put my brains to better use. Now, it's clogged up with godknowswhat. Yeah yeah.. then we can go syphon out the nasty bits by typing them out.

*Finding an escape route