Everyone's out clubbing.. I had the perfect opportunity and excuse to go clubbing, but nah... today's just not right. Plan to enjoy the night at stc's Dinner and Dance, since the whole day was screwed, starting with my hair cut.. the list goes on... and guess what? some fucktard whom i haven't spoken to in eons had to inform him about my whereabouts... and just when i thought things were turning a little better, he called me up. i mean hello, i don't need people like her to poke her stupid nose into my life and give specific, minute details about where i am or what i'm doing. I want to lead MY life!!!
Do i have to get your permission and approval to go wherever i like and with whoever i wish to??? I'm not your servant, mind you... Basket.... that bitch has some serious attitude problem... Jackie Chan nose.. no wonder you have to resort to poking your nose into ppl's lives...

*Do us a favour, quit calling me already!

Ok, so not everyone appreciates my presence. But it's not like we're on bad terms or what, so why is it so damn hard for that person to make the first move? I know that person is waiting for me to say hi first, but these few days, i'm beginning to come to my senses that all that i've done might not be worth my effort... Blame it on my intuition. Girls' intuition. And i swear, if there's anything that i'm proud of, of myself, its my intuition. Never proves me wrong. Go ask any of my close friends...
But like i said, i can say that i'm gonna put all of these nonsense behind my back and move on, but knowing myself, it's more than likely for me to soften up. Everytime i try to have a talk with him, he just swiftly diverts to another topic. How am i supposed to find any solution for this persisting disease?! It takes two to tango. He's old enough to know that by now, and i think he doesn't need my reminder. Whoever came up with this quote " everything that has a beginning, has an ending", hasn't gone through what i'm going through. So screw it!!!!
And those stuffs that Clara has been preaching about to me, about God being fair and all........ I've long doubt that it's really true. Fuck it man, seriously. Just fuck it.
It really doesn't pay to be nice or helpful anymore. Everyone just takes you forgranted. More importantly, i hate to put on a brave front. Pretending that everything's ok when obviously deep down inside, i'm corroding. Ironically, today's a significant day for the both of us. But obviously, someone is being nonchalent about it. I don't blame him. Only a crazy person with ample time like me, would actually remember this date.
I'm slow to realise of my significance.
I'm someone whom he can make use of anytime; Tap on my soft spot and i'll oblige. Call me up and i'll put aside other things to entertain you. When you have problems with her or any other girls, tell me about it and i'll provide you with solutions.
I don't remember treating Angela or Veron as well as i'm treating you. I don't even know why you're getting special treatments from me when all i get from you, is crap. Pure crap. You've managed to mutilate me into someone that i don't know. I don't even know which is the real me; the person i've been for the last 17 years or the person when i'm with you. It all seems so real and natural.

*I've been tarnished by you. Solely you.

fuck friendster! seriously, i have absolutely no idea why the damn thing is screwing up on me in times like these... its been eons since the pictures started to mysteriously disappear... all i'm left with are the names to click on. it used to be only the last page, now its the second AND last page.... i'm just waiting for the same thing to happen on the first page. fuck it.
ah... job was damn crappy lah. to think that clara said it was fun?! i mean if there was the good pay cheque to look foward to at the end of the month, i would definitely not utter a single complain... but fuck shit... what's installed for me are just wiping of glass cupboards, smile and attend to fucking MAINLAND CHINESE customers, stand around and not having a chance to sit. Maybe i should look at the situation in another light; this is to spur me to get a good degree after i graduate from university and work in an office environment with a good pay and a 9-5 job!!! with just a bloody O level cert, you get pushed around like nobody's business... have i mentioned that the working hours are fuckin irregular? and they expect you to turn up for work even if they give you last minute notices.... what's more? i have to sacrifice my social life to work for $4.50/hr. grrrr.... like today lah! wanted to go out with him and then, some woman from work called me to go down for the formal interview at 4. what kinda stupid timing is that?!
I really hope that i don't have to resort to quitting.... coz that'll prove that i'm a person without determination. which i know i am.... tmd....
If only breaching of contracts are made legal... life would be sooooooo much easier to get by with...

*Fuck my life, my job, my surroundings and YOU

Life's a piece of fuck shit.... it's evident in mine anyway....

This is especially going out to my wonderful gfs, Clara, Tricia, Crystle and Ulynn:
Clara: I'm really grateful for knowing you, and even more so that we're stuck in the same pile of shit. Ironically. heh... It has made talking much easier when it comes to them... This year has been exceptionally tough for the both of us but i'm glad that we've got each other all the time... I always say that we'll be able to make it through this shit, but it seems as if its only working for you! I know i'll be able to move on eventually, but eventually seems like a long long way to go! But whatever the case is, i'm just utterly thankful for having you by my side 24/7!
Bf: I know its been fuckin hard on you, trying to cope with your own set of problems and at the same time, provide a listening ear to the rest of us... It's even worse when you don't even show that you're upset, coz then, we can't help... All we can do, is to speculate on what's happening to you. Just glad that your "trauma" is finally over... Your kindness and attentiveness towards me have not gone to waste... I know you've used up much of your time, giving me prep talks and reassuring me and I really appreciate what you've done...thank you bf! No matter how tough the road ahead is, just bear in mind that your gfs are right beside you... We're in this together... The whole A.F...
Crystle and Ulynn: Haven't forgotten about you 2!!! x) Don't try to escape coz both of you have a share in this shit i'm going through... ulynn, our motto of sji and sajc producing bastards still prevails right? Ok, you might have forgiven him, but my stand still holds... not sure if it's gonna last... maybe only when i've received enlightenment, will i then forgive and forget. Crystle dear, i know the truth hurts. No qualms about it. But i've yet to acknowledge the fact that things will never be the same again... I choose self denial coz it's a bliss.. I guess i'll pretty much be living the kind of life i'm leading now, until i finally see the light ahead.

**When i get the strength to leave you, you always tell me that you need me.

Did anyone catch the Rugby finals?! Gosh!!!! The game was simply exhilerating!!!! England won Aussie, 14-14 at full time and then they had extra time... sigh.... Elton Flatley scored plenty of penalty shots but in the end, Jonny Wilkinson helped England win the game...20-17... I can totally emphathize with the Wallabies... They played really well! You should have seen their fighting spirit, their determination and their perseverance.... Very commendable indeed!
Though the Wallabies lost, they were behaving like how gentlemen should behave... No wonder Guoyi said that Rugby is a gentlemen's game... hur hur.... sigh... i still can't help, but feel sour over England's victory.... I believe they won by luck. It was just a few minutes before their 20 mins extra time was over and then the ball flew right in front of Jonny's face... DUH! he gave it a kick and it sailed over the poles. sheesh.... Don't you think the Aussie's deserve to win? They are the real winners!!!! They put up a good fight, trying to bring glory to their country, especially Elton Flatley.... England won in the nick of time... is that luck or is that luck?!

* This is a controversial issue....

I just had a good conversation with someone whom i've drifted away from, emotionally... and i must say, the ambience was great, though it was kinda weird. Ok, some of you might have just lost me there. What i mean was we were on top of a spider web thing, just talking like the old times, the breeze was cool on the skin especially after a jog and the view was spectacular.
We were just perched up there, for almost 2 hours, talking about life, friends, etc... basically what we've not discussed for eons. Or rather, i don't remember having such a meaningful conversation with him......
In the midst of talking, this little boy came to the top and you people out there who know me well, know that i hate kids... so i was starting to get annoyed with him. I mean he was cute but it's just me to have this thing against kids. My friend on the other hand, adores kids... so he was having this little talk with the boy, Ryan. I was just staring into space but i decided to give that kid a chance. I wasn't looking at them but my ears were definitely attentive. For a 6 year old boy, he was really daring, to talk to a complete stranger. I even heard him telling his little cousin that we were "adults". And i must say, he could speak well. Articulating every word, accurately... I hate to admit this, but after hearing their conversation for 30 mins, i actually liked that little boy... He wasn't as irritating and annoying as the majority of the kids population out there.
My friend then asked me, " Do you know why i like kids? It's because they don't lie."
That, really hit me hard. I mean, sure.... kids will definitely lose their innocence just like how we lost ours... but at the tender age of 6, when they're still in kindergarten, they speak from their heart. No qualms about what they say... Something that i can never experience, ever again. I finally realised how pure these little kids are. And thanks to my friend, i'm beginning to change my perception towards kids...
You won't find be going gaga over them, but i'll definitely try to appreciate their presence on Earth. I mean who can be any more innocent and purer than them? They don't lead complicated lives like us. They don't have to worry about things that we face in our everyday lives. They're so carefree!
I'll like to thank you, for having this excellent conversation with me this afternoon, though i know you won't be reading this. You've made me realise that kids can actually be lovable; a fact that i never thought i'd be able to accept. I'm glad i had your companion today because i'm feeling really great!! I figured that you'll never know how much your presence means to me, how much impact you can make on my life, or how much i treasure this friendship of ours.
Well, i don't know when we'll meet again or if we'll ever have this kinda meaningful conversation ever again... Just wanna tell you that i love you alot, and nothing would be able to change that fact. Nothing at all.

*He left me pondering...

Your soul is bound to the Rose Petals: The
Wronged.

"'ve come undone and all hopes of mending
me are gone because the pain took my soul.
Can't you see? The only one who can put me
back together again is me."

The Rose Petals are associated with sorrow,
reflection, and wisdom. They are governed by
the goddess Persephone and their sign is The
Teardrop, or Broken Love.

As a Rose Petal, you are always self-reflective and
may be hard on yourself. You probably have
been hurt in the past by other people and can
sometimes distance yourself, as a result. You
don't usually let other get too close to you,
but you are very good at mending your spirits
back together by yourself.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

woohoooooo!!!!!! i'm so proud of myself.... being a computer illiterate, i managed to change the blogskin all by myself!!!! ALL BY MESELF
maybe i'm not such a failure afterall.. i can foresee angela and tricia calling me back later, saying that they're free to help me out with this... but i've already done it! it isn't as hard as i thought it would be.. just kinda time consuming for a first timer like me...

*Finally accomplished something all by myself after eons

Just realised that doing too much advanced kind of math, actually makes your brain stop functioning normally, i.e: no common sense...
Seriously!!! Simple things like integrating 1/x^2 could actually make us ponder for 10 whole minutes... like wtf?! that's supposed to be the elementary part of integration... i guess i've trained my brain to solve questions in a more complex manner so when simple questions like these are set, i'm stunned. I'm not the only one.. poor crystle was complaining that Mr Ho embarrassed her coz she couldn't integrate 1. x)
Ah fuck... Crystle and Ulynn, i hope you two gained more knowledge about fuctions and esp Crystle, integration and small angles.. and thank god i did that quadrant quest with you.. remember... A.S.T.C goes ANTI-CLOCKWISE. And although there are 651878216 shitass formula to remember, you gotta do that to do well...
Yeah... hope you 2 learnt a whole lot, if not, 10 hours of gruelling math session at KFC would go down the drain... ok.. maybe 6, coz we end up talking nonsense sometimes.. hahaha.. Good luck to you two! Can't help you guys with chem coz i'm not exactly pro at it... anyway, you're not banging on it.. so yeah..
Just keep your cool on friday and i'm sure you'll attain good grades!
Ulynn, now that you're home alone, do exert some self control...esp money! hahaha

*Trust the voice within

bad english is uncalled for.. with things like "le", grammer mistakes and that puny lowlife mentality that ppl possess, puts me off... and yeah.. not forgetting ah lianish sentence structures with things like "HeYz PpLz!! I JuZ wEnT oUt WiFz My ClAnZ!!! So HaPpYz CanZ??" *rolls eyes*
speaking of which, i despise ppl who are fuckin hypocritical and two faced. ppl who don't think before they speak, and ppl who nv fail to be the first in line, when it comes to commenting on the flaws of others. Hah... they don't realise that they are behaving just like that. No doubt ppl make mistakes in life and not everyone is perfect. Just stop behaving like you have the fuckin right to comment on everything BEHIND OUR BACKS and that you know it all... look who's the wussy...
"so xia lan for what?"
stop denying the fact that you aren't bothered. if you claim that you're as cool as a cucumber abt the whole thing, then what for make such a big fuss? and why the infuriation????? losers
*feeling goddamn good!

this was supposed to be yesterday's post. but my mood was greatly affected by someone so didn't blog it down.
the match between All Blacks and the Wallabies was really great.. all the action and vigour that both teams portrayed was simply fantabulous... i thought that All Blacks would win, due to my stereotyped perception. but nah... the aussies won the game. 22-10. Hah... to think that guoyi actually msged me at half time saying All Blacks would bounce back.... I'm being a neutral party here so All Blacks fans, don't come after me.. hahaha.... seriously, rugby rocks! esp when 2 really strong teams come together to play. I think the fact that they were playing in their own country played a part in their winnings.
Rugby matches are addictive i swear... How can anyone actually prefer soccer to rugby?!

it has just been brought to my attention that we actually have a new name! how cool is that? to think that some ppl have soooo much time in their hands that they do not know how to put it to good use.. shame on you
right.... i'm sure that you ppl indeed can trust each other so much. So much so that you pathetic little creatures don't even have true friends back in secondary school. so you just make use of your classmates.... hah. i can safely say that your attitude towards life and more importantly, your friends ( or shld i say, "friends"), still prevails in jc... no names mentioned here.. but i'm sure you have ample time in your hands that you indulge in blog surfing too eh?! you shld know that i'm talking about you. yes you
try to be bitchy? oh man..... is that a whine i'm hearing? i can't believe there are actually lackeys in this world. that shows how mature you are. and for heaven's sake. if you really have to look up to someone as a leader, why of all ppl, her? I don't see any leadership qualities in her... in fact, she's much of a coward. you need evidence? try having some discussion amongst your little group. how about the slapping incident? oooohhhh.... i can sense some angst already! x)
stop acting like a know it all for once. yah... and also... stop your motto of " one for all, all for one".... childish i must say. firstly, God knows how much backstabbing goes on behind you ppl and secondly, you ppl don't have a mind of your own. Hating some other person just because the "leader" has some grudge against her? OH PUHLEASE.... you guys can qualify to be clowns at a children's party. But be warned. Kids might not be amused afterall.

*"Your secrets are safe with me. They really are!!!!"

even shopping is becoming a drag.... fuck... met veron at 230 and had the intention of getting tons of stuff.. even managed to con some cash outta my dad. so we were walking all the way from wisma to heeren and back. in my 2 and a 1/2 inch heels. yes.. that totally killed my legs... i swear i was on the brink of death. heh. and guess what? both of us only got a top each! yeah balls...
i saw this nice bag from proj shop bloodbros that costs $59 and this mambo pants that's $78... after much contemplation and advising from veron, i decided not to get it... coz that'll be buying on impulse... and yeah.. i only spent $23 on this black ms selfridge top. and $61.15 on 2 SAT books and a Cleo mag.
everyone, give a round of applause for ms see pls!!! I've broken the record, seriously. Even veron spent like $54 on a unique and pretty top. mine's black and plain. grrrr.... i'm not satisfied... i'm gonna think of other places besides orchard to do some major shopping to revamp my wardrobe. veron... pls crack your brains to think of good places! i know i can rely on you for that....
oh... just to quote suffian...
"There are three things a JC kiddo will suffer from: Matters of the heart, mad principals and Project Work. Four if you're from CJC and your uniform looks like it spent a lifetime bonding with Dynamo detergent."
hahaha.. this guy never fails to inject some humour into my mundane life...

*Can't help it...

congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're Most Like The Season Spring ...

Fresh faced, with a young outlook on life - you
smile at the world and expect it to smile back
at you. You're mostly a bubbly, fun - innocent
person. Described as cute possibly. However,
you're a little naive about things and tend to
be a little too trustworthy.
As the first season, It Makes you the youngest -
and so most immature - but people are inclined
to look out for and protect you.

Well done... You're the most fun of the seasons :)


?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm gonna start this entry off with some humour... okay... some weirdo msged me on icq, asking if i really lived in Singapore coz he needed some idea on what to do when he comes here on his 2 day honeymoon trip.. so yeah... told him all he needed to know and then i was telling crystle abt the egyptian. yes. the weirdo is from cairo. ahaha.. so that babe came up with tonnes of questions for me to ask like, is egypt filled with pyramids, is gold cheaper there and she even wanted me to ask if it was dusty and sandy. wtf?! so we satisfied our curiousity. For all you ppl out there who want to find out more abt The Land Of The Mummified, according to that guy, gold is indeed cheaper there as compared to the rest of Europe, and the pyramids are still there. To top that off, crystle, the ppl who seal the pyramids DON'T die with the dead ruler. muahahah.... i bet i must have sounded like some fucktard imbecile person. She told me to tell the egyptian i'm from cjc and that'll explain everything... RIGHT
And then... we started talking abt how he can actually be a psycho coz he wanted to get me a souvenier from Cairo and that would mean he wanted to meet up. Hell no... hahaha.. i actually considered asking him to bring a mummy back for me. x) crystle had the worst idea ever. Asking him to go visit sentosa, where there's sand and he can build his damn pyramids so he'll feel like home. Oh... and a fan should be present to cook up a sand storm.... muahahahhah... that's the funniest shite ever babe!!!! what's up with your corniness?! That guy was promoting his homeland like he was desperately trying to sell a property. Figures... he's a Professional Marketing Counsultant. Fact or Fiction? I can't be bothered. I'm gonna make use of that guy to increase my knowledge of Egypt, and then, i'm gonna put him on my ignore list. *sniggers*
Okay. Jokes aside... I'm actually feeling kinda melancholic. This depression of mine, has been going on and on for i dunno how long... it's not continuous, but the feeling of glee only lasts about 1 week at most, and something has to happen and there i go again. Back to square one... Do you think my condition is serious enough to go pay a visit to the shrink? Perhaps some medication would help to stabilise my condition. Or maybe, my heart and soul just needs a little TLC, from the right person that is... maybe that's the PERFECT remedy~ bah.... i can so fuckin dream on man....
Sometimes, living in denial would actually be blissful. Look at it this way. You choose what you want to believe in and block out the rest. Wouldn't you be a much more happier person? But then again, there's always the case whereby not facing up to reality would actually cause you to have some adverse effect. Ok.. i just realised i'm not making any sense of what i'm saying... BUT, if given a choice, i rather be oblivion. esp when it comes to YOU

*Any way to obliterate my memory of you?

think i'm falling ill.... no thanks to the fact that dearie called me a trillion times to tell me she's reaching my house. ok.. so she came. was too tired to wear my specs to go downstairs. hahaha.. brought her up to my sis's room and she fell asleep. i did too. didn't wake up till 11. that girl was still snoozing.
went downstairs trying to find suitable food for my new diet but decided to settle on some nice biscuits with milk solids and tomato flakes. well done e'an. and i just had to watch the re-runs of the Rugby match between France and Ireland. Dearie finally woke up and made a hell lot of noise coz she wanted to watch another channel. fucked! haha... i compromised a little. made her download project boyfriend and she can watch her cheesy hk drama seriels. the rest was crap. the whole cycle is repeating itself tmr. and my head's still spinning. this is no good!!!
Attn all members of the A.F: I've got big news to tell you ppl... can we like meet up really soon?! Before this juicy piece of gossip turns stale? doubt it would anytime soon... but still!!!! okay... i've told crystle abt it but she didn't reply my msg... maybe crystle babe, you can help spread the word ard? i'm not 101% sure if it's accurate... that's why i need to have a mass meeting... this gossip is the perfect way to end the year. i know i'm fuckin mean here... not like we have any grudge against the person.... some one just plan smth.... or i can tell ulynn... i'm sure the word wld get ard.. hahhaha... no offence taken eh babe?

*Quench my thirst... *slurps*

feeling much better today... i guess it's because i woke up at 12, lazed in bed till 1230 before i finally set foot on the floor without getting yelled at... wheee... those lameass parents of mine went golfing early in the morning and my sis has gone to work. so it's just my maid and i... good shite. if only i could live life like that everyday and indubitably, turn into a fat slob. muahaha
so pissed yesterday that i forgot to mention, i got this red hot bikini... haven't splurged in a trillion years... it was money well spent.. $59 from my own bank account. MY OWN!... now, it's just to put the bikini into "action"... can't wait to go sun tanning with dearie.
went to the dermatologist.. yes... my ultra bad skin condition on my thighs are not due to the shaver or veet... the doc suspects that it might be some internal allergies from foodstuff.. as for now, i have a whole list of food i have to avoid. for eg: apples, oranges, strawberries, tomatoes( !!!!!!!!!!!!), seafood and alcoholic stuff( i don't take them anyway), yellow coloured soft drinks, sugarcane, tinned and preserved food, milk, cheese, eggs, CHOCOLATES AND MOST SWEETS!!!!!!!!
oh man..... i think i might as well consume porridge everyday... i mean i've been through that kinda diet way back in sec 1 when i had braces... it was for a week. now, it's for a month. i can do it... i'm sure! no milk= no ice cream. no preserved food=no chips?! this is hell.... well.. my skin condition had better improve significantly. otherwise.......................
ohohoh!!!! i've become a rugby fanatic as of late.... i'm perpetually glued to the tv screen when it comes to rugby world cup. caught 2 matches( aus vs scotland & england vs wales) only but i can foresee theres more to come... guoyi told me that All Blacks are playing against the aussies on sat.. now THAT , is real rugby.... learnt new terms like scrums and do you guys know that a Back is also known as a Flyhalf?! it's good to have good rugby friends. now i just hafta ask guoyi about the penalties and i'll be able to watch a match and understand what's going on... it's better than soccer.. pooey... HAIL RUGBY!!!
tricia is also a rugby fanatic... boyfriend!!! we can watch many many rugby matches in the future!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and we'll go catch the Singapore Sevens k?! *excited*

*Teach me some moves

pw was fuckin crap... everything to the fucktard examiners were " simplistic" or " not well emphasised"... yeah yeah... WHATEVER... don't even know why i got myself into a fuckin jc and was made to do lameass, nonsensical projects as such... that pretty means that the whole year spent doing pw has gone down the drain. hah. we can all dream of making it into the local uni. i hope i get my ass outta this useless country!

my mom is another fucktard. suddenly went beserk and started screaming at me for wasting money. like hello?! how many times have i asked her for money to buy clothes in a year? like only thrice at most? i'm not like the rest of the girl population who spent $100+/week.. and she's already making so much noise!!! just coz i wanna new dress for the stc grad nite dinner?! is that so wrong? my nosey sisters just had to rub it in by saying that i should work for what i want. go get a job or start saving... save what fuck? when i can hardly get by with $8 a day!!!!!!!?????

so now its like i have to fork out my own money to buy clothes and other things.. they are only responsible for paying for my school fees and sch related stuff.... tell me if you've seen parents like mine.................. it's just as good as i moving out isn't it?

* fucktard parents i have....

My life seriously needs a whole lot more of excitement. I feel as if i'm trapped in a 70 yr old's body. I mean, who dreads going to town? I think i'm one of the only few... i spent like half of my day, day dreaming, fantasising about things that would never happen, staring into space, reminiscing about the past and hoping that destiny would change for the better... Right. But there's no harm in indulging in my own realm, isn't it? it's my life and if i choose to waste it away like that, there's nothing anyone can do to change that fact.
Clara and i just had this heart to heart talk about how people mananged to affect our lives dramatically.
"we have a utter soft spot for them and they hurt us in the most despicable way.". just to quote her... i have to agree with her... she's one girl that i can totally understand the position she is in and vice versa. Mo, i'm glad that there's this common and special thing we share between each other. That, is what makes us bond. We're not pathetic... we were never and will never be. Just remember what i told you. love you dear... it's not our fault that we met them. As you've told me when i was having the greatest depression ever, every mistake we make in life makes us stronger. I still remember that and i'm standing by what you told me.
Guess the situation i'm in now is inevitable in everyone's life. The only difference lies in the fact that i'm somehow unable to let go and move on easily. Or rather, everytime i try to, something has to happen and that prevents me to do so.
Cousin, i'm glad to hear you laugh again. Don't let your spirits be dampened. We all have to face failures in life and trust me, i've been through more than you have. So smile! x)
To all the peeps taking A's tmr, best of luck yah? esp rubin, the bestest and slackest ogl ever! hahaha... i still want your econs notes after you're done with your exams...

*Where's my fairy god mother?

Yesterday marked the end of my jc1 life... and i'm not exactly prepared to face the upcoming year.. with even more block tests and not forgetting the A levels, i really dread 2004.
I can still vividly remember the first day of school in cj. I had to take the bus to school myself but thank god i found out that they were many fellow cjcians living in my area. *winks to ulynn*. remembered cindy waiting for me at the bus stop and then walking into school together... the feeling of loneliness contained in me was haunting. My whole clique was practically dispersed. Angela and Veron had each other in sa, clar and marc were together in pj. at that point of time, i was really frustrated. i kept questioning God on why was He so unfair that everyone had someone they were close to beside them, when we have to move on to a new environment. Everyone but me.
Orientation was seriously bad. The only significant thing i remembered about orientation was that as i walked into the auditorium, i was embraced by my surroundings. The sight of many many girls wearing the same uniform as I was truly memorable. of couse, all of us just made our little ij corner in the hall and we were stuck there for the whole 3 days plus. I wasn't close to my OG group at all.. with the exception of Vincent that is. I miss that guy. We had to choose our subject combi soon after and when i was posted to a class without any stc girls, i thought i was damn. But i was wrong. 1st 3 months were the best days of my life in cj. 1t29 was really great. clara, van, I and rach stuck together like glue, bitched about the teachers, zhaoed a zillion classes together, played bridge with the guys from t26 like nobody's business, laughed everywhere we went like there was no tomorrow. And yes rach, i remembered when we came to school and realised that 3/4 of the class were absent and zhaoed to sentosa to meet them. haha.. "kuai pao" was acting tough on the raft! clara, i cldn believe u made me zhao school with you, mo and ant! was certainly an experience. you were laughing at my expression when helluva bitch Rani called me, and we all headed home with keith and daryl. ahahaha...
Its feels like just yesterday when i collected my O level results, sulking over my atrocious humanity results... that's the main reason i couldn't make it to somewhere better. damn it. then there was the chain reaction... i felt really pissed for not being able to move on from cj. i knew i was gonna be stuck at the crap-ass school for many more years to come. The fact that angela, clarissa and marc wasn't gonna be by my side anymore, made matters much worse. thank god i had veron. *hugs her tight* the whole year went passed really quickly after that. My whole life was basically bombarded with tests, problems with friends and relationships. It was a struggle having to cope with school work and still have to find the time to go out with friends. It was a great leap from sec 4, i must say. Although this year wasn't very pleasant for me, I'd like to say a big thank you to all the people that was there to provide support; namely, angela dearest, veron, ulynn, crystle, clara, tricia, jh and joleen. A month plus more to go, and i'd have to snap back to reality. Hopefully all geared up to fight the battle ahead.
dearie, it was really hard to keep in contact after we have gone our seperate ways. but the fact that u came down to cj to give me my present really touched me. Thanks for tolerating my mood swings ever since you knew me 11 yrs back. Thanks for lending me your shoulder to cry on whenever i had relationship problems. Thanks for being my special angel. I love you and no one's able to change that fact!
Veron, i didn't forget you. You're just as equally impt to me. I appreciate you sacrificing your beauty sleep just to hear me cry on the phone at 1am. Thank you for making me interested in math since sec 2 and helping me with my school work. I wouldn't be where i am today if it weren't for your help. I seriously don't give a damn to what your friends say behind my back, about us being a weird pair of best friends, about my attitude, about everything. They see who i am on the surface, but it is you, who know me deep down inside. Love you babe!!!
Sigh... i'm feeling really nostalgic after writing this entry. I hope to eradicate all the bad memories and just keep the sweet ones. But then, my life would be too boring. It's the bad patch that i went through, that made me stronger. this is like my own epilogue. hahaha. oh well...
Members of the animal farm; u ppl made a difference in my life. So glad our paths crossed!!!

*Reminiscing about the past

*sobs* chinese wasn't good at all... the marks allocation was lousy... not like the ones we had before... so yeah.. screwed the words, close passage and most prob the super hard comprehension... my zuo wen was again of primary school mentality... okay.. that's not my fault.. i've stopped practising how to write stories ever since i entered jc and the question was really kiddified... jus really hope to get my b3!!!!!!!! that way, i'll drop chinese forever... but things don't usually go the way i expect it to be you see... so yeah... i can foresee missing a b3 by probably a few marks... got a bad feeling i'll get a b4 instead!!! *cross fingers and hope for the best* orals and listening compre had better do me some good since i felt good after the exams... ah... shall put this aside for the time being... at least up till march, when we get back the results.
went to slack around in lido after the exam, steffie and i were taking photos like crazy.. it helps to kill time... and then caught a movie all the way at ps... Dead End is really good... in a sense that it was a well produced thriller... HOWEVER, the ending was quite confusing... ok.. i'm contradicting myself... but it set all of us thinking... it was twisted and complicated but the clever ppl like theresa and steffie managed to come up with a reasonable explanation... so yeah.. cleared most of the doubts and i'm happy girl... no wonder it was rated NC 16... for mature and wise young adults like us... it isn't often that we come across such a complex thriller... but its good in a way... at least it got us thinking.. x)
on the way home, we saw this super dramatic thing... apparently, this crazy lady was trying to commit suicide... but it didn't appear so... all of us thought she was quarreling with her bf and she was struggling to break free from his grasp... my god.. she's like damn strong and he's like not that strong... the girls heard the man telling the passerbys to call the police coz she's gonna kill herself but no.... SINGAPOREANS just stood rooted and just stared like it was mediacorp filming a show, minus the cameras.. I'm ashamed to say that i'm one of those selfish and self centred singaporeans.... i guess its the environment we grew up in, everyone's struggling so hard for survival by the means of becoming first in everything.. everyone's world just revolves around themselves.. bah.. our society basically doesn't give the weaker ones ( academically) a chance... they condemn the mediocre and feeble.... crap... you ppl should really believe me when i say this country sucks... and i'm proud to say that i'm ASHAMED of our citizens and the whole system in which this country is being run. i'm certain of that fact that if a similar incident were to happen in the european countries, most of the passerbys would lend a hand without being requested!!!!
erm... dunno what happened to the lady in the end... but the whole thing was damn drama... heh
clara, steffie and theresa, sorry i couldn't stay out longer with you guys... i was right.. my dad made a whole lot of noise... and i don't exactly wanna go home alone at night.... maybe some other time when they are outta town k?
saw dearie and dearie's dearie.. muahaha... shan't comment much... btw, if you're reading this, your theory sucks.. call me sometime and i'll tell you the one we deciphered... it's WAY better than yours! anyhow, was really glad to see you! missed u way to much dear! *muacks*

*Someday we'll know...

i know i have already written an entry for today, but this is really biting me...
i know you hardly ever drop by my blog anymore but i'm still gonna ask you this question.
I've always been there for you. However, would you be able to say the same thing when it comes to me?
It's alright to call me late at night... I wouldn't mind lending a listening ear or to provide you with advices but I still wonder, am i just someone else?
I can't decipher your hidden thoughts, neither can i read in between the lines.
I'm getting a little frustrated over this matter because I have yet to satisfy my curiousity!!!
Just tell me straight in my face, don't bother beating around the bush if you've got something to say; it's fuckin annoying anticipating death if you haven't realised.

*Say it... I'll be able to take it

gonna make this a quick one... today was great! had loads of fun hanging ard my girlfriends although i fell asleep during the movie... hahaha... managed to catch some really gorgeous hot babes in person i.e the elite models... Germany, Italy, maybe France and the short girl with the sluty look get my votes!!!!! ironically, Venezuela wasn't AT ALL eye catching... ah.... most of them had TO-DIE-FOR lean, toned and long legs... i thought i'd seen THE legs but i learn something new everyday.... those elite models have the REAL legs... lucky us... saw them while they were shopping at heeren... boyfriend and i became ecstatic after seeing them and decided to stalk them afterall... there was this weird one. She's not pretty, looks anorexic and yeah... alienatic.. if there's such a word... still wondering how did she manage to get herself into this competition...

*I know i've already lost my place in your heart

firstly, i'm delighted by the fact that veron has FINALLY gotten friendster... after much persuasion that is.
life's pretty much boring as usual.. it's either that or it's fucked up... i choose the former. PW is not exactly done.. we have a dry run tmr and that lameass bitch didn't even want to do a rehersal tmr... bet she wants us to make a fool outta ourselves and then she'll be in the limelight just coz she's confident of it and she can speak well. Or so she thinks. Selfish!!! I wouldn't be surprised if the whole group screws the entire thing up... its like we're the first group and i happen to have stage fright?! erm.. although it's presenting in front of the class but still.. you get the gist right?
If God gave me just one wish for this year, I'd wish for my sickening home tutor to die and burn in hell... this morning, there was a mass spot check for short skirts and spiked hair... this irritant purposely picked on me for some unknown reason ( but i think it's because i scored an E for economics), and made me go sit with the large grp of "offenders".. to make matters worse, she happily poked her nose into 1T31's business when she isn't even their subject teacher! made a comment abt ulynn's skirt being short and sent her together with me to the back... like wtf?! yah yah... it so happen that i was standing in front of this girl with mother fucking long skirt that's wayyyyy below her knee... shoot me, pay me a million or trillion dollars and you still won't be able to make me do the same... SO SUE ME!
it's grossssssss... my goodness... i wonder why ppl don't even bother about their appearances.. hello?! 17 and you still behave like you're in your comfort zone, i.e: back in the all girls' sec sch, where ppl don't bother abt how crappy each other look.... in the first place, YOU WEREN'T EVEN FROM AN ALL GIRLS' SCHOOL... stupid outcast... get a life and stop trying to fit in...
i'm so glad that i'm not sitting beside her... there's a radius of 1m b/w us... i think i'd go mad just hearing her laughter... YOU GROSS ALL OF US OUT!
haha.. but yeah... i escaped punishment... *yipee*
that sums up the whole day basically.. hahaha... maybe i should get down to studying chinese like soon?

*You'll never succeed in getting me down cos i'll just come back, stronger than before!

See what Care Bear you are.

I'm really impressed by Adam Khoo and his talk... we don't usually come across someone who manages to catch your attention, whilst giving an unorthodox speech.. maybe its because we are afraid to try new methods.(Typical Singaporeans) However, he did it... He really did it!!! perhaps he has what he calls, people mastery. The whole talk was rather informal, no tables and chairs for him. He was basically standing and walking around.. this guy totally inspired me man... he was a primary sch drop out and came from some ching chiong sec. school that i've never heard of, but decided to change his attitude towards the outlook of life... made it to vjc and topped his year, and continued to top his faculty at NUS... my goodness...and now he's a millionare with many companies when he's only in his late 20's!!!!! I believe that this is some calling from God... since the talk was given on my birthday itself... muahaha... you people out there who haven't heard of him, shame on you!! you missed out on a whole lot of good stuff!! x)
To quote tricia, if only we could do the same, catching the attention of the teachers while giving our oral presentation... we'd certainly be getting good gradings for the PW.
Before i forget, i have to thank clara for the free tix!!! Uptown Girls was kinda cliche and it didn't help much when clifford was complaining about how boring the show was and he felt like sleeping... it wasn't my fault that the timing for Intolerable Cruelty was bad ok?!
I've updated my wish list... and my dad's gonna hit the roof when he hears of my demands.. which includes a new dress and shoes for stc's dinner thing, a new hair cut and highlite and the list continues... i think he just spent $ 500 on me for the month of oct itself, not including my allowance... and i'm having unlimited wants... oooh.. i'm gonna be so screwed... but still, i'm gonna try my luck later on... i've been a good girl for the past few days, trying to study chinese, watching less tv and talking less on the phone... my hp bill for sept was like $23. HAH! beat that, you losers out there! AND I DID USE THE BLOODY PHONE AND EVEN EXCEEDED THE SMS LIMIT woohooooooo~ maybe that'll please my dad a little and i can push my luck a wee bit further...
Gonna have dinner at Equinox later on... compliments of my dearest sister... i figured that her pregnancy has done her some good.. at least she's not being MORE of a control freak... i can see good life for me ahead coz once her baby's born, that'll take up too much of her time, for her to be poking her nose into my life... is my life FINALLY taking a turn for the better?

*What are your true feelings?